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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: TEACH (11/29/18)
​ “I wanted it my way! I did not want pickles, the stinking secret sauce or those onions!” The woman snarled as the offending sandwich was practically smashed on the counter. Tommy, the young teenager at the register was a bit shocked. It was only his second week working at the fast food chain.

​Tommy took a breath, smiled and began to speak. “I’m sorry ma’am. I would be happy to fix it for you. How had you ordered it?”

​“Are you stupid? I just told you what I don’t want!” The woman surprisingly had an even louder voice than before.

​“Do you have your receipt?” Tommy asked knowing it would tell him what she had ordered. His face felt hot. This woman had no right to treat him this way.

​“No, I don’t! Look I don’t need this hassle from you!” She railed. It was at this point another employee stepped up. It just so happened to be Tommy’s older brother Mike.

​“Ma’am there is no need for your tone. You will talk respectfully to our employees. I took your order in the drive thru. You actually didn’t mention any changes to your sandwich. However, we’ll take care of it for you.” Mike said calmly.

​The woman looked like secret sauce might shoot out of her ears. Maybe it was a mix of anger or possible embarrassment. Regardless she still believed she had been wronged.

​“Where is your manager?” She demanded. Tommy snickered, unable to help it. Mike cracked a huge white gleaming smile at the woman. He then proudly pointed to his name tag. Across the bottom read STORE MANAGER. It was then that a third employee handed Mike a bag. He held onto it knowing the woman was not done.

​“I’m calling corporate! They will tell the owner of this store to fire you two for being so rude! Don’t they teach you that the customer is always right?” And with that she planned to be on her way.

​“Before you leave, Ma’am. Please take this with you. I had your sandwich remade, while you were yelling at my employee. No pickle. No sauce. No onion. Please Enjoy.” Mike didn’t say it snarky. He said it humbly knowing people who acted like this were hurting for one reason or another.

​The woman looked at him holding out the bag. She didn’t have words. She didn’t notice that the whole store had gone silent listening to the exchange. She snatched the bag and made a bee line for the door. Once she was gone the whole store applauded the manager and Tommy for keeping their cool.

​“Tommy, why don’t you take a break. I’ll take the register.” Mike offered. He remembered how it felt to be young and treated poorly all too well.

​“Thanks bro.” Tommy smiled and grabbed a milkshake and went out to his truck. He was flipping on the radio when there was a tapping on his window. It was that woman.

​What in the world did she want now? He was alone. He didn’t want to be yelled at anymore. He didn’t want to deal with her. He wanted to ignore her. He sat there knowing that that wasn’t an option. He took a breath and prayed, “Be with me, Lord.” Their mom had taught him that with God he never was really alone.

​Tommy unrolled the window, partially. He looked at the woman. She looked like a different woman entirely. She had been crying, that much was clear.

​“I, I saw you come out, and I,” her words stumbled out, “I lost it there for a bit. Nothing has been going right. That sandwich of all things was my undoing. There is no excuse for why I was so horrible to you and Mike, was it?”

​Tommy nodded.

​The woman continued, “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. The customer is not always right. I definitely was not. My husband died and everything I know has been falling apart.” The woman sobbed.

​Tommy’s heart broke and wished she’d go back to yelling about a sandwich. He understood now why she wanted it her way. Tommy stepped out of his truck and offered the woman a hug.

​Mike had noticed the interaction and come outside, thinking Tommy might need rescuing. As he approached he understood everything was more than okay. Tommy was praying with the woman.

​ That day they all learned that sometimes what people need most isn’t on the menu.

​​​​

​​​​‘Blessed are the Peacemakers.’

​

​

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This article has been read 496 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Marlene Custer 
12/06/18
Very good reminder to offer peace instead of retaliation. Lots of hurting people in our world.
Stephen Kimball
12/06/18
Well done. I enjoyed how the story unfolded. Keep it up!
Nancy Bucca
12/06/18
Good job with this! I love the message and how you weaved it into the story. So creative, thought-provoking and meaningful! I enjoy how you ended it.
Terrie Ellington 
12/06/18
Your story brought tears to my eyes. That's a sign of a great writer. My heart was so moved as I read that I hated for the story to end. Awesome job.
Larry Whittington
12/07/18
This could have been the re-telling of a real life incident of times past. If not, it was still told (written) very nicely.
Linda Lawrence 
12/08/18
Loved the last line.
Dave Walker 
12/08/18
A great entry line, which caught my attention immediately. Also a relevant message. We never know what pain people are going through when they behave badly and are quick to judge their reaction and act negatively in response.
You showed the Jesus way beautifully.
Gerald Shuler
12/08/18
You have a talent for writing. I look forward to more of your work. Bit of advice: Place a space between each paragraph. It makes your writing flow better for the reader. (That is advice given to me the very first time I wrote something for the challenge... and didn't space the paragraphs!)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/13/18
This is a great story. You pulled me in right away. The conflict was clear and kept me motivated to continue reading. You also introduced the internal conflict too, and the resolution of both left me with a smile.
Be aware of POV shifts. You start telling the story from Tommy's perspective, then in the middle you jumped into Mike's head, and then back to Tommy. For example the line about him holding the bag because he knew she wasn't done, pops into Mike's head. Instead, keep it all from Tommy's POV. Instead of saying what Mike knows, just show it by having him hold the bag and smile. Also instead of something cliché like bee line, use your own words. Sprinted, scurried, or shuffled with cheeks bright red would all paint a picture for the reader.
When Tommy is thinking in truck, put his thoughts in italics to show reader he's thinking.
I think you did a great job of writing on topic. The message is a powerful one, especially in today's world. This is the type of story where two people could read it and take away two very different messages too. That's a sign of good writing. You did a great job with the ending too.