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Topic: FEAST (07/12/18)
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TITLE: Most Precious Gift | Previous Challenge Entry
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07/19/18 -
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The springtime sun was peeping in through the curtains of her suite at Greenoaks Private Hospital. If one looked closely they’d swear there was a smile on Madeline’s lips. Perhaps there was.
The past three years had been difficult. Two pregnancies preceded this one; the first ending with a still-born, the second leaving Madeline and her husband Todd bereft just a few weeks after his birth. Two babies lost, one little girl without a name, and dear little Connor.
The sunlight slowly bounced along Madeline’s cheeks, and across her fluttering eye lashes.
‘Todd?’ she whispered.
‘No sweetheart, it’s me, Mum.’
‘Where’s Todd?’ Madeline asked, her eyes still glazed over from sleep.
‘He was tired darling, so I told him I would sit with you for a while. Hopefully he’s at home fast asleep by now.’
‘Oh Mum, where’s my baby?’ Madeline cried.
‘Well I should think she’d be sleeping right now sweetheart. After all it was a long labour for her too.’
‘That’s right I did have a girl didn’t I?’ Madeline could feel excitement welling up inside of her.
‘You sure did, and she’s a sweet little beauty, so perfect.’ Hazel reassured.
Nurse Susan Fitzgerald appeared around the corner pushing a tiny bassinet. ‘Madeline honey, are you awake? Oh hello Mrs O’Connor. Your first grandchild? You must be so proud.’
Hazel O’Connor looked thoughtful, not certain how to respond. She gently bowed her head. ‘Um … err.’
‘Here you go Madeline. This wee one is hungry. Don’t worry; I’ll stay a while until you get the hang of things’ said Susan.
‘Well, I ‘ve done it before, you know, but I would love you to stay for a while’ said Madeline. She looked at Susan through eyes of wisdom, eyes that had seen so much pain and hurt, but also happiness and joy. A soft smile brushed her lips as she cradled her baby girl in her arms for the first time.
Susan looked a little confused but thought better of making any comment. Hazel O’Connor sat on the chair deep in thought. Then looking towards her daughter and granddaughter she exclaimed ‘my goodness, aren’t you two a sight for these old eyes … an absolute feast. Oh Maddie, I’m so happy for you both. What a princess she is.’
At that moment, Todd made his way into the room. ‘Sleep well, my love?’
‘I sure did’ beamed Madeline. ‘And look what the stork brought in’ she joked, an enormous smile lighting up her face.
Hazel was a very proud grandma, but most of all a grateful one.
‘Dear Lord, thank you for delivering this sweet child safely to us. I’m so happy Lord. I’m stuck for words.’
‘Micaela Mum’ whispered Madeline.
‘Hmm, what’s that darling?’
‘Her name is Micaela’ said Madeline.
‘What a beautiful name’ Hazel said through tears of joy.
‘Yes it is’ said Todd. ‘It means gift from God.’
As you do not know what is the way of the wind,
or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child,
so you do not know the works of God who makes everything.
Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NKJV)
Footnote: Just as little Micaela was a joy and a feast to Grandma Hazel’s eyes, so too are all of the wonders of our heavenly Father’s creations. Too often we don’t appreciate His wisdom and timing. We experience all kinds of trauma, and sometimes we give up on God, thinking He doesn’t care. But He does. We cannot presume to understand His logic or His will, but rest assured He always has our best interests in His all loving Heart.
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One thing I might suggest is to paint a picture instead of tell what happened. For example: Stretching her arms and legs, Madeline woke from her peaceful sleep. She groaned as she tried to turn over. "Man, my muscles ache. I ache in places I didn't think it was possible to hurt."
I did take some liberties but it sets up more of a picture and makes the reader wonder why she's so sore.
I think you did a great job of writing on topic but making it unique and fresh. I don't think you need that last paragraph. It changes the tone of the story some. I think the readers will pick up on most of it, but you could always take a line and make it part of the dialog.
You did a great job and will touch many hearts. I look forward to reading your next story.