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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: SNOOZE (07/20/17)
Asleep In The Pew







Meg wiped a tear from the corner of her eye as she stood &



stretched.



Jennifer stood-up next to her and said, “I think Pastor Nathan



had that message just for me today.”



“How about we go down to the alter & pray?” suggested Meg, as



she wiped another tear with a damp Kleenex.



They were joined at the alter by their friend Anna, who looked a



little racoonish after the sermon. After the 3 friends silently



prayed on the steps of the alter, they stood up to find Pastor



Nathan praying silently behind them. When he finished, Jennifer



shook his hand and said, “Your message on Joseph and his jealous



brothers really hit home with me! I have spent way too much



time being jealous of my older sister and with God’s help, I will not



be after today!”



Meg nodded in agreement, “We have each been so blessed and that



is what I need to focus on as well.”



“And it would be terrifying to think of your older sister ruling



over you like Joseph,” teased Anna.



“Amen to that!” said Jennifer with a cringe.



Meg wiped away another tear and pointed to an older gentleman



who was still sleeping in his pew, “He missed a great message today.”



Pastor Nathan smiled. “Benny learned to overcome his jealously



& envy many years ago. I know he would not mind me sharing his story



with you young ladies, although he tells it much better than I. Why



don’t we sit down?”



They four of them moved to the front pew and Pastor Nathan



began, “When Benny was young he had a terrible jealously problem.



What added fuel to the fire was marrying his beautiful wife,



Estelle. She got attention from men wherever she went and Benny was



constantly filled with anger & resentment. One day when Benny got



home from work, the house was empty and a note sat alone on the



kitchen table.



Pastor Nathan paused and Anna urged, “What did it say?!”



They all looked at Anna and she threw her hands up, “Okay,



okay! I need the next message to be on patience…but what did it



say?!”



Pastor Nathan chuckled and continued, “It said, ‘Dearest Benny.



You know I love you but I can’t live with your jealously anymore.



After you punched our friend Mick last night for giving



me a brotherly hug, I can see you need to get help. I have always



been and will always be faithful to God and to you. When you can



prove to me that you have figured that out, I am waiting for you at



my parent’s house.’”



“Wow,” said Jennifer.



“What happened then?” asked Anna, as she wiped mascara from



underneath her eyes.



“Well Benny was a proud man, but after months of arguing with



God and everyone around him, he finally went to counseling with his



preacher. Benny told me it was the hardest time of his life. When he



humbled himself and let the Lord guide him, he said that a new peace



took the place of that anger he had always felt burning inside.



Finally, after six months had passed, he knew he was ready to get his



bride from her parent’s house.”



“Did she take him back?” asked Meg blowing her nose with the



shreds of Kleenex she had left.



Pastor Nathan nodded and smiled, “She did! Benny said he took



time to woo her all over again and their relationship grew stronger



and blossomed each day. He also told me that since that day anytime



jealousy would begin to raise its ugly green head, he would stop &



pray immediately!”



“Ahh,very smart!” said Jennifer.



“Estelle has been sick with the flu this week and Benny must be



exhausted from caring for her. He could have been the one to preach



this message, so the Lord knew he needed his rest more.”



They followed Pastor Nathan’s gaze to the peacefully sleeping



Benny, and all three girls said in unison, “Amen.”
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This article has been read 446 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Judy Sauer 
08/01/17
​This is a good story.

Putting your story title in the text box counts against the number of words. It took me the longest time to change this with myself. This is an easy fix for you.

Since this is a writing challenge, instead of using the ampersand "&," it would be better to write out "and."

We all have our own shorthand: mine is "thru" for "through" yet that's only in my personal notes.

Several times your MC has wiped a tear. She did it in front of friends, and the pastor. You could have expanded on her actions with a friend asking if everything was okay. But your story never explains why she had tears. Did she have allergies? If it's not explained later in the story I would leave it out.

A blank line is needed between paragraphs. Use the Preview button (far left) before submitting an article. It lets you see how the story will appear online. Then you can make adjustments. I use it as another chance to read my story out loud and hopefully catch wrong words and typos... like your "jealously" rather than "jealousy."
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Keep writing.
Larry Whittington
08/02/17
You have several good points in this writing. Facts about jealousy, prayer, and repentance are good to be reminded of. One that we may not see exhibited as often as it should be may be repentance.

Nice writing. Keep it up.