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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Home (01/09/06)
Things could explode at any moment around this place, volatile is the constant condition. All attempts to reduce the tension around here have been squandered. It seems as if the logical action to take is to establish a cover for when the explosion takes place. The hardest thing to acknowledge is that I am one of the ingredients that cause it to be a combustible situation. Mines are planted, saturated, and any move could possibly be my last. Sometimes you think you have cleared the area of all explosives but kaboom! you step right on one. Conferences have been called, allegedly to find resolutions, but a lot of different languages are being spoken and there is no communication. It’s strange that everyone feels as if they’re mistreated, yet no one feels that they’ve mistreated anyone.

This battle is being waged in a locale where all the members in it resemble each other. It’s hard to determine your allies from adversaries. You think that you are sure of the stance someone takes, and then they turn out to be a suicide bomber, attempting to take you down with them. I admit to practicing “Guerilla Warfare” tactics but only because I have been mistreated. I’m the one player in this conflict that is completely fair. All the terrible wrongs that I’ve committed were justified.

It’s had to get rest with enemies so near to me. I wonder what could be done to bring back peace. No one involved in this warfare has been able to resolve it. I’ve heard that there is a mediator who would come if only they were called. I understand that this mediator is not bias and shows no favor. I want to send outing message. “Mediator Please Come to My Home” (1 Timothy 2:5)
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
01/16/06
You did a great job with this extended metaphor! I could really feel the anxiety and frustration, and the unsafe-ness.

Your title suggests a baseball metaphor, though. I wonder if you might consider a different title if you use this elsewhere.

Finally, if you re-write, eliminate references to "you" and keep it in first person. That will tighten it up, and increase the tension for the reader. This piece felt very real to me, and I really appreciated it.
Marilyn Schnepp 
01/23/06
Baseball is missing?? However, after re-reading this story, I have come to the conclusion it isn't Iraq, it is your home. This reminds me of an abstract painting - you have to look at it from all sides to try and understand what it is; this comes from a deep thinker, just as Abstract paintings come from the mind of a genius. Thanks for sharing.