Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: SLIP OF THE TONGUE (01/26/17)
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TITLE: But Was It? | Previous Challenge Entry
By D. Michael Newell
01/30/17 -
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“She says it was a slip of the tongue, but was it? It is hard to tell when it first started. But it full bloomed a couple of years back with the town’s annual garden contest. Oh, how those two competed. First one would win and the next year the other. Both always had beautiful gardens. Both were highly competitive.
For the last twenty-five years, this has continued. Oh, others tried to win, yet somehow it was one of these two.
The only time that one of them had not won was eleven years ago, when the tornado swept through town the week before the judging was to take place. No contest that year. They were too busy putting the town back together.
Last year, you should have heard all the excitement and all the speculation on who would win. I understand some people were betting on who would win. I hope the Chief of Police never found out, as gambling is illegal.
Then something happened to Mrs. Brown’s garden just the night before they were to be judged. During the night, Mrs. Brown’s garden was ruined. It was as if someone had come in and purposefully wrecked the garden.
You could hear Mrs. Brown for a couple of blocks when she got up in the morning and saw what had happened. No time to fix it now; the judges would be there in a couple of hours. She was furious to say the least. All her hopes and planning for the last year were gone over night. For a person so competitive, it was devastating.
Because Mrs. Brown’s garden was destroyed, Mrs. Olsen won.
One day as Mrs. Brown talked with her neighbor, Mrs. White, she let it slip.
“Don’t tell a soul, but I’m sure one of the Olsen boys destroyed my garden.â€
Just a slip of the tongue, but the damage was done.
Mrs. White gave her a knowing nod, “Oh, me. I wouldn’t think of telling anyone.â€
But as soon as Mrs. Brown was gone, Mrs. White dialed Mrs. Green.
As she talked to Mrs. Green, she let it slip about the Olsen boys. In fact, she enlarged on it. Like it always does, the story grew every time the story was told.
Then it was Mrs. Olsen had her son sneak over and destroy Mrs. Brown’s garden.
Soon everyone in town was taking sides. If the Olsen’s wanted this, the Browns wanted that. You can just imagine what elections were like. And oh, the problems it created in the church. I felt sorry for Pastor Evans. I wonder if that is why he still has a sign in his office that says “Be careful of the words you use, to keep the soft and sweet. You never know from day to day which ones you’ll have to eat.â€
The results – No Smithville Town Annual Garden Contest this year. No one was willing to be a judge.
It started a feud as harsh as the Hatfield vs. the McCoy’s. It split the town’s Garden Club. In just a few weeks it was destroyed.
Even when I tried to tell about seeing some stray dogs in Mrs. Brown’s garden that night, it made no difference after the slip of the tongue.
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There's a stray quotation mark at the very beginning that threw me for a moment. And I'm not sure that this captures the meaning of 'slip of the tongue,' which is a mistake in speech (like saying "pickled tink" when you meant to say "tickled pink," or saying "Happy Birthday" when you meant to say "Merry Christmas").
You gave us a great picture of these two women and their long-running feud, and I enjoyed this read (and the twist ending).
Blessings~
I took more liberties than I like when giving an example, but I wanted to show you how introducing the MCs along with the conflict right out of the gate can make a huge difference. Make sure you don't repeat too many things, add some dialog, thoughts, and body language and you can paint an astounding picture for the reader.
I enjoyed the storyline. I liked how you built the suspense, and your message about how gossip can destroy someone is perfect for today's world. I'm really impressed with your blooming skills too. Keep writing and reading and commenting on as many entries as possible and you will continue to blossom. Your passion is apparent and you really are making a difference.