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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Escape (01/02/06)
He inhaled and passed the warm metal pipe to his left. A large bald man with an enormous beard took it from him, receiving it with a slight nod of his head. Mark didn’t know half the people in the house but it didn’t matter. Common was the bond that intertwined them, like school boys who enjoy playing the same game together. After holding in his drag as long as he could, he exhaled enjoying a burning in his lungs. It had been a long day, or week, or even month for that matter, and finally he was able to get away from it all. No ex-girlfriend maddening him with requests to take their infant son while she roved through the town seeking and obtaining a drunken bliss with her puerile friends. No boss irritating him with more demands and constant displeasure. No collection agency watching every step he takes. No stupid little brother infuriating him with long meaningless sermons about Jesus Christ. At last, he could sink into his secret vessel and escape.

The pipe came back around the circle to him again. There hadn’t been much conversation, other than that which related to the present event; at least he hadn’t paid attention to it now that his high was settling in. Again he sucked in a lung full of smoke and passed on the pipe. This time the burly bald man looked sunken within a shadow and farther away than he really was, which resulted in a fumbled hand off and a near disaster, but lucking the bull of a man had excellent reflexes.

Again the pipe went around, and he began to sink further into the couch cushion. Everything around him vanished and became rather insignificant. His eyes fell to the ground and his mind raced. Why was he even taking to Rachel any more? Why didn’t he just leave? His son would be better with out him anyway. His job had almost completed its objective in sucking his life from within him, why let it finish the deed. He could run from the avid money collector. He could run far enough away that his self righteous Christian brother couldn’t find him, and he’d never have to hear another quote from those horrid scriptures.

His attention returned to that of the crowd. He had returned to focus in the middle of a discussion, which had pulled him from his inner thoughts like cold water in the face. “So Mark,” someone said, “what do you think?” Mark looked up trying to determine whose mouth the words had come from. “Well,” he heard the voice again. “Is there or isn’t there a God?”

Still searching for the speaker with his eyes half shut, he shouted and cursed using the name of the Lord in vain. He continued in a trumpet of a voice. “Yeah, I believe in a God, actually I know there’s a God, and I know he hates me.”

The voice replied, “The scriptures tell us that God loves the unlovable, that he forgives the unforgivable, and that he demonstrated this love in that while we were in such an offensive and undesirable state, Christ died for us.”

“He can’t forgive me! No one can! I’ve messed up too much!” he wailed still desperately searching for the speaker.

“Yes he can Mark. Lay down your sin. He’s forgiven much worse than you.”

“And how would you know?” With that said a warm hand was laid on his shoulder, and looking up behind him Mark saw his brother; eyes of flame and face a glow. Marks heart stopped as his gaze was pulled in through his brothers eyes, down into his heart where there roared a mighty fire.

“I love you Mark, and He loves you even more.”

This time the words penetrated Mark’s walls and stabbed his heart. He fell to the floor in tears next to his brother and cried out to God. In a moment’s time his burdens were gone. He now knew peace. He had now tasted of liberty. His sins were forgiven. He had felt God’s presence. He felt alive and whole, and knew that he needed no more to escape.
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This article has been read 855 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Karen Heslink
01/11/06
I really like the way you built up to the end of the story and then gave us a bit of a surprise. Your writing is very fluid.
Rene McCollum
01/12/06
Great piece. I could feel Mark's torment. I also felt his joy in finding the answers to his problems in the Lord.
Phyllis Inniss 
01/13/06
I thought the end quick and unexpected, but God's ways are not our ways and He does perform miracles. Good writing.
Andria Cook
01/15/06
I thought the piece was well written. Your descriptions were exactly as they should be. Often times we as Christian writers find it hard to talk about drugs, but you did a very good job helping us to feel your character's "escape".

There are a couple of typo's in paragraph three, and in the second paragraph just a hint of awkward wording.

But the piece is well written over all, and those small things are easily fixed.