Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ZENITH (04/21/16)
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TITLE: Visitation | Previous Challenge Entry
By Raymond Bouchoc
04/28/16 -
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“I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t know what happened.”
The old woman raised a bent and bony finger and pointed it at Kaleb. With a piercing voice, she said, “Beware when the full moon stands directly over your head!” She turned and went away.
Kaleb couldn’t believe it. Had she just cursed him or something? Was this a joke? Kaleb chuckled to himself as he finished shopping, “She did kind of look like a witch!” He quickly reproved himself for his unkind thought and muttered a short prayer, “Oh, Lord. Please bring the woman’s statement to nothing.”
That night, as Kaleb took out the garbage, he casually looked up and saw the moon. It was half full.
Over the course of the next week, not another thought entered Kaleb’s mind about the old lady or about the moon. One evening, though, he had the odd sensation that someone watched him. Turning around, he was drawn up to the sky, about a quarter of the way up, and found himself looking directly at the moon.
Night after night Kaleb watched the moon grow fuller. He also had the increasing suspicion that someone lurked nearby. Soon, Kaleb feared taking out the trash in the evening. He locked the doors and checked the blinds, making sure they were completely closed, without any spaces that would allow someone to look inside.
He knelt by his couch and prayed. “Lord, I don’t understand what is going on here. I don’t know why that old lady said what she said, and I don’t believe in curses or anything like that. Please help me with this fear I am experiencing, and take it away. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
The day of the full moon arrived. Anxiously, Kaleb struggled through the day. On top of that, he was sure someone followed him.
That night he could not relax. He went to bed early, sleeping fitfully, and praying each time he awoke, “Oh, Lord. Please help me.”
Outside, the wind blew erratically. The light of the full moon eerily illumined his room. He looked at the clock. 11:23.
“Lord,” Kaleb prayed, “I know you are with me, and I have nothing to fear. Please help me sense your presence.” He dozed off.
Kaleb bolted upright in his bed. He looked at the clock. 1:15.
He saw it in the corner of the room. A shadow began to coalesce. It grew into a man-like form and loomed in the corner, its dark head bent at the ceiling, and its arms stretched out to either side of him. With an airy and hollow voice, the thing seemed to say, “Y-o-u!”
Kaleb shook visibly, but, he also started praying as he forced himself to slide out of his bed, and onto his knees, facing the shadowy spirit in the corner. “Lord, God. Deliver me from this evil that has come against me.” He prayed quietly, then, as his prayer intensified, he prayed louder and louder. The struggle continued. He wrestled and wrestled this “power.”
Then it happened. Peace penetrated his heart. He couldn’t explain it. His fear melted out of him. He knew in that moment everything was good.
Kaleb looked up and saw the “eyes” of the thing move up from his own face, as if focusing on something, or someone, behind him. He also imagined he saw fear on the thing’s face.
Its frame began to diminish as Kaleb watched. As it shrunk, its head tilted steadily upward, as if watching something grow.
Kaleb could feel it now. Another presence behind him. He did not turn to look, but kept on praying, keeping his eyes trained on the creature in front of him. Peace and strength washed through Kaleb. Then, the thing was gone.
Kaleb lifted his voice in praise to God, thanking Him over and over for delivering him. A Bible verse popped into his head, “Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world.” He got up, went to bed, and slept deeply the rest of the night.
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Great job, well done!
Blessings~
There seemed to be a word misfit early on. You wrote something that he slept fitfully, then how he woke up often. It's easy to read things, and they make sense to us, the writer. But in translation to the reader, I tilted my head, and wondered if I read it correctly.
You definitely have talent. Keep writing.
In the first paragraph, I would break up the last sentence into two. Quickly, he assessed the situation. You need some type of conjunction into the second-- [but] thought.
Well done!