Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: SOCIAL (04/07/16)
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TITLE: An Unforgettable Evening! | Previous Challenge Entry
By AnnMarie Givans
04/14/16 -
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I wasn’t expecting anything special when I opened the mailbox. Out came a beautiful envelope. What is this? I wondered. I giggled as a twinge of excitement coursed through my body.
Curious, I opened the envelope and beheld an elegant invitation, beautifully engraved on timeless, embossed black paper. My friend Gloria invited me to an evening of elegance—(Old Hollywood Glamour)
The invitation was impressive; it stirred my imagination.
Whoa! What am I going to wear?
Giddy with excitement I scoured through tons of fashion magazines pouring over the glamour of that era. I was pumped.
The night of the event was filled with high energy, precision teamwork, artful display, incredible décor and fabulous fashions. It was like a scene out of a movie.
As I rolled up the circular driveway, a valet greeted me. An usher escorted me into the home. While walking hand— in— hand with my escort, my heart was twerking to the music, which was riveting in the air. With each step, I became more anxious; my imagination was working over time. As I entered the foyer, my imagination took a back seat, for I was blown away by the grandeur and the opulence.
A grand crystal chandelier hovered above an elegantly decorated round table lined with rich black and white linen that gracefully draped to the floor. On the table was a beautiful centerpiece. A tall crystal— beaded vase filled with gorgeous black and white feathers. The piece de resistance was the spectacular accent wall that paid homage to the classiest stars that ever graced Hollywood during the fifties and sixties. The wall was painted a sexy black, with the word HOLLYWOOD in white outlined in bright lights.
Below, there were rows of old black and white photos of glamorous Hollywood stars. Katherine Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, Greta Garbo, James Stewart, Sophia Loren, Marlon Brando, Judy Garland, Joan Crawford, Ginger Rogers, Fred Astaire, Rita Hayworth, Lauren Bacall, Gary Cooper, May West, Spencer Tracy, Gene Kelly, and Clark Gable, to name a few.
The rest of Gloria’s place was just as impressive. It was blinged out to the max. She didn’t spare any expense or miss a decorative beat. The atmosphere was one of beauty and the ambience was romantic and friendly.
Gloria outdid herself. She definitely captured the look and feel of old Hollywood. Her house was not only well— decorated, but her guests didn’t disappoint either. Their attire was classic, much like the golden era of the fifties and sixties. It was like being at a premier Hollywood fashion show. I loved it.
The details were not lost on the menu. Trays of assorted, scrumptious hors d’oeuvre were served before dinner. The entrée and the dessert were sinfully delicious.
A mixture of classical, soul, and jazz music played throughout the night as the guests showed off their fancy footwork. The music was befitting of the theme; it was soothing to the soul, romantic, and reminiscent. The air was filled with laughter as people mingled and danced the night away. Everyone had a ball.
Later, as the night was winding down, I went outside for a walk down by the lake. The night air was refreshing. The moonlight was striking as it glittered down on the water. As I stood there, staring at the water, my mind drifted beyond the horizon, deep in thought. When I heard a faint, deep voice calling to me, it took me a minute to come to myself. Nervously I turned towards the voice. Not knowing who was there, I looked up. My knees turned to jelly. I began to wobble as I saw this fine specimen of a man standing tall before me. His gorgeous hazel eyes were piercing; I was hypnotized. A wave of electricity jerked my body as he smiled at me. Ironically, “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole was playing. As I stood there captivated by the man of my dreams, the magic of the night was complete.
The event surpassed my expectations, leaving me with unforgettable memories for a lifetime.
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Less is more sometime. It became difficult to focus on things other than the theme of the party, so at end when the man appears I felt a bit confused.
Now, you take my words with a grain of salt. overall, I like your style. Keeping writing.
You told rather than showed the reader what to expect. I also struggle with this problem, and the judges suggested "Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tip's For Show, Don't Tell" and "Jan's lesson--Show, Don't Tell". The love interest at the end was too abrupt; you needed to introduce him earlier.
You have great potential, and I encourage you to keep reading and writing on this site.
Well done.
Blessings~
Not much actually happens here, although I notice that the man introduced at the very end is not the escort briefly alluded to earlier.
You will have something special when you can describe action and character as vividly as you described the party room.
I may have tightened up your sentences.
Your story did enlighten me to the days of glamour in Hollywood.
I got a sense of elogence and glitter.
Instead of starting out with the universal you, you could switch it up to make it all about you. For example, you could do something like:
The day my friend Gloria threw the most-talked-about extravaganzas of the year sticks out in my mind.
I remember pulling out an exquisite envelope from my boring, plain mailbox. My heart thudded with anticipation as I pulled out the invitation with trembling hands. What will I wear? How should I do my hair? Oh, what if the man of my dreams is there?
I added some liberties to show you one way to spice it up even more. By adding some conflict, thoughts, and descriptions, you can pull the reader in even more.
I liked the ending. Finding a nice man is always a great way to end a party. You had some great descriptions in that last paragraph and it really pulled me into the story. Nicely done.
I always enjoy reading your work and the style of your writing.
Blessings~