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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: TRAVELER (01/28/16)
Paul wore his bathrobe outside. He sat under the umbrella in his front yard, drank orange juice, and talked to Odette. Odette meowed and Paul stretched his fingertips to touch the softness between her ears. He listened. To the breeze, the birds, the cars coming and going. If he was outside he could wave to neighbors and feel God's love warm up his face. He was safe.

Paul wore stubble, so he looked hip even though it was grey. As if he was too busy to shave. His slippers were roughed up from working in the garden. He tried to sit still, close his eyes and let nature dull his thoughts. He was only a few yards from his front door but it would be hours before he would reach his destination inside.

Indoors Paul was a stranger. It was two days since Ann was cremated, and he had to fight the images harder there. Signs of Ann were everywhere. In the wall paint, the polish on the dining room table, the leftover macaroni and cheese. Even in the closet. Like she buttoned the top of every coat to be sure none would fall off. Paul admired the care Ann took for everything that was around her. Birdseed for the robins in winter, chocolate for the trick or treaters, his favorite marmalade for toast.

This morning Paul stood in front of the closet. He unbuttoned the coats and pulled them off their hangers. Then he went outside.

Paul gripped his armrests and watched a baby rabbit freeze in place under a bush. He could remember when Ann had their baby. And now they had a grandbaby. So they would still have love. He could hear Ann giggle.

When the middle school bus stopped at three o' clock, Sara got off and walked over to Paul's umbrella. Ann had ordered Girl Scout cookies, and Sara was making her delivery. Paul knew Ann had already paid the bill; she wanted to help Sara win the contest so she could be recognized. Sara had a lazy eye and she knew how it felt to be ignored.

Paul opened the package of Thin Mints and poured juice for Sara. Odette rubbed her leg and Sara told Paul about the quiz the substitute teacher forgot. Paul wondered what it would be like if Sara visited him everyday. When Sara finished her juice she stepped close to Paul, grabbed his neck and kissed his forehead. He said Odette wanted to see her again soon and watched her disappear around the corner.

When Paul woke up the light had turned amber and it was harder to see the front door. Paul could hear Ann humming inside; maybe she would call for him. He waited.

Soon the light faded out and Paul saw only darkness. His legs were heavy and stiff from sitting all day. He would have to be careful finding his way. There were tree roots that could make him fall. There was no light to show him the first step. But there was Ann's voice again. She was singing. He smiled.

Paul pulled up on his cane and stood. He stared at the blackness, closed his eyes and listened for Ann. Then he moved forward. One slipper on the grass, the next slipper over the roots, up to the fist step. Paul raised his foot and felt concrete. He rested his hand on the door knob and bowed his head.
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This article has been read 454 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
02/05/16
Well done! Great job with the topic, loved the delivery and content.

God bless~
Pat Small
02/05/16
Sad story. I noticed that he is outside and it will be hours before he sees the inside, and yet he poured juice for the little girl. It seemed like a small inconsistency.
Kelly Gellert
02/07/16
A sweet look into getting through the day with your loved one so recently gone. Nicely written for the most part. Just remember where he is and keep the tenses the same. The first paragraph has a "if he was outside" when he was already outside. I liked the way you showed his struggle with his remembering/hearing Ann's singing and such.
Larry Whittington
02/08/16
A scene we think about but don't want to experience it (soon).

One short paragraph had him in the house unbuttoning coats. Had he gone back into the house from being out?
Tracy Nunes 
02/11/16
The title intrigued me and I wasn't disappointed. There were a couple of confusing points, but in general I think they worked with the numbness the MC was experiencing. Well done!