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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: CALL (01/14/16)
Her eyes and mouth seemed to be glued shut, her head heavy as a bowling ball. This wasn’t unusual for her, but something was different this time. It felt like she was sleeping on a board with no pillow.

Eyes shut and her body still, her other senses began to come alive. An unpleasant odor assaulted her nostrils and marched directly to her brain, where it was identified as a sickly mixture of urine, disinfectant and food. She forced her sticky eyes to open just a slit. As her eyes focused in the dimly lit room, her entire body screamed with fear and dread, even though her mouth remained silent.

She was lying on a shelf in a jail cell, and she wasn’t alone. A wave of nausea swept over her as she forced her stiff body into a sitting position. She found herself looking directly into the dark, menacing eyes of a woman not four feet away from her.

“What are you looking at?” the huge woman angrily screamed at her. She had no idea who or what she was looking at, and no idea how she even got here.

She turned her body away from the threatening cellmate and leaned her back against the wall. She took an inventory of her recent memories. The last thing she remembered was the freezing night air blasting her face as she opened the door to leave the bar.

No one was around except the hostile cellmate, who continued to stare at her even though she tried to avoid eye contact. She decided she’d have to risk talking to the woman to see if she knew what was going on.

Her tongue was thick and stuck to the roof of her dry mouth. She turned to the woman and quietly asked, “Do you know where we are and how I got here?”

The woman glared at her with cold, unfeeling eyes. Her lips spread into an evil grin, as she said, “This is county jail. You killed four people, honey!”

Then the crazy woman began to cackle and shriek, delighted with herself for being the one to smash this rock of shock and horror over her unsuspecting head.

From that moment on, her life became a never-ending nightmare. She sat silently in court as a police video showed her walking and talking, too drunk to realize what she had just done. She even smiled as the young police officer approached her. That would be the last time she would smile for years.

The video continued its story of her guilt and shame. Behind her crumpled car, an orange glow from the fiery car she had forced over a cliff lit the black night sky. Inside that car were two young parents and two toddlers. Lives she snuffed out because she wanted to have a “good time”. She began to feel the hate and disgust that would be her world from now on.

That was more than 10 years ago, but the memories came flooding back to her as she sat down at a table. The bartender interrupted her thoughts as she watched the people in various stages of drunkenness. “Your usual?” he asked.

“Yes”, she replied as she continued to gaze at the partiers starting to cozy up to each other. Soon it would be “Last Call”. She had spent every Friday and Saturday night since she got out of prison at one of several local bars. Actually, she had done the same thing for several years before she went to prison.

The bartender’s announcement of “Last Call” was still her cue, her call to action. But nowadays, it was her signal to take the last sip of her coffee and approach the people who seemed intoxicated. They were the most at risk of beginning a never-ending nightmare of their own.

She offered them a free ride home and a free ride in her taxi the next day to pick up their car. The night of the accident was an end of life for her as well as the family that was lost. She couldn’t undo what she had done, but she could try her best to keep it from happening to someone else.

Only the Lord knows if she has saved anyone from tragedy, but she does know that she will continue to spend her weekend nights just like this, until she finally hears the “Last Call” from God. Then she will finally find peace.
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This article has been read 556 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Pat Small
01/21/16
Riveting. I had a little problem getting oriented between para. 5 and 6. It required a re-read. You certainly had a different approach to the topic, and conveyed an important message.
Kristine Baker
01/22/16
This story drew me in quickly. Nicely done, with a hopeful ending.
Bonnie Bowden 
01/22/16
Your descriptions were riveting. I can't imagine how awful it would be responsible for killing four people; however, I am glad she changed her ways and helped others from making the same mistake she did.
Sherry Brock
01/22/16
The story line held my attention from beginning to end. The words brought an array of emotions as I read the article. I would only suggest maybe use of first person when the story switched to the story after 10 years in prison. I really enjoyed it!
Trudy Newell
01/22/16
You had my attention from the first. You did a great job on this. I'm sure you will rate well.

You nailed the topic in a unique way. Keep writing.
Vince Martella
01/23/16
Very well written. Your story hooked me from the beginning. Good descriptions; I especially liked the reference to smashing " this rock of shock and horror over her unsuspecting head." Creative use of the topic-this should place well!
Larry Whittington
01/24/16
Repentance is like this: turning from doing one thing - a sinful act - to doing a good action to anyone.

Christians need to be reminded of this since we don't always here or be reminded that we need to always be able to repent of our sin: ... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Good writing. Keep it up
C D Swanson 
01/27/16
Excellent! I had to take another look to make sure I was in the "beginner category" as this piece seems to belong in the higher categories.

I loved this story...and my heart went out to the MC for her tragedy, but she may have gained "life" in the process of "death."

Well done...

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
01/29/16
Congratulations on ranking 7th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.