The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/19/15
Thanks so much for so eloquently sharing the details of your daughter's costume! I enjoyed reading this.
The clear, crisp description of the dancer's atire shows a closeness to each article.

Well written.
11/23/15
I loved the descriptions. Red ink: compliment her composure should be complement and air born should be airborne. At least I think I'm right on that. You have talent. Keep at it.
11/23/15
Your story put me right there in the audience. Great job.

You can tighten things a bit. We have to be concise, since we only get 750 words. Not necessary to have your title in the body of the story.

You could consolidate your thoughts, for example, here:

"From the time my daughter was a little girl she loved to dance. Her older brother was in Ukrainian dance and she wanted to do it too! At 3 years of age she began to dance. Her tiny little body was just learning to coordinate itself, but she was determined she was going to do it!"

You say the same thing, but could combine thoughts with "From the time my daughter was 3 she loved to dance."

Watch punctuation and frequency of exclamation points.

Great job!