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Topic: Clarify (10/15/15)
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TITLE: The Time is Now | Previous Challenge Entry
By Raewyn elsegood
10/22/15 -
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Title - ‘The Time is Now’
‘Let go of your concerns! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth.’ (Psalm 46:10 GW)
The screams of a hundred memories shout from behind the windscreen, keeping my hands gripped to the steering wheel. The motor hums impatiently as I try to push my self to go inside. I want to get on with it, but how, when life seems so muddled? Opening the door of a new beginning, let alone the handle beside me, was overwhelming, so I did what a lot of us might do in a similar situation, I backed up and went in search of a safe haven, a place that felt familiar so I could take a breath or two and then attempt the impossible – moving forward.
The swish of the automatic doors and the delicious aromas coming from my local bakery were a gift to my stretched emotions. How fast time has gone, was it not only yesterday I handed her over to her first teacher? Was it not only yesterday I stood on the front porch gripped in fear as she reversed up our driveway and sped away?
From the onset of receiving the news I had gone into fight mode. What did caring for other peoples’ children overseas have to do with her future career as a nurse? What sense did it make for her to leave her university studies when she had only completed half of her course? Her new car hadn’t even been run in yet.
The determination in her eyes and her manner should have warned me this was a fight I was not going to win. I grieved in front of her, I gave her ultimatums, I went looking for loop holes in the program she wanted to sign up with; nothing worked. Put simply, I was a mess. I did not want her to leave me; I was not ready for her to go.
This all consuming self-absorbed thinking kept me in a circle of confusion and pain for months. I stormed through each day calling out to God with questions that sounded more like demands. It was only when I stopped and opened His Word that things began getting a little quieter. Surprisingly, the more I let my toes uncurl and my back sink deeper into the comfort of my recliner the quieter I became.
In our shared silence God came and held me, painting pictures for me of my daughters future happiness across the seas. He sent me likeminded friends that were a step ahead to whisper truths such as, ‘When did you ever think you were in control’. And ‘remember when you told me our children are only ever leant to us for a period of time’.
God heard me in my shouts and He heard me in my stillness, regardless of my state He gave me the clarity to see I had made this all about me, and my loss and my fears. Ouch, this was hard to hear, but once I was aware I wanted to make peace and take action.
It was time to listen to her explain her dreams, see the clearly defined plans she had formulated and accept her choices. It was time to accept that God was in control and rely on Him to supply the courage to let her go and support her as she becomes who God purposed her to be. It was time to accept that if she had the willingness to take a risk and act on her dreams in spite of her fear, and to put the hard work in, then I could learn to let her go to do it.
I was sure I could do it, I just needed to find the courage to fight my greatest enemy – doubt.
Her grip was tight as she hung onto me at the arrival gate at Sydney airport, our tears giving way to the relief of a welcome homecoming. We did it. I survived and this girl has returned with the most amazing clarity and passion for her future.
(This work is Non-fiction)
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