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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: PHOTOS and/or SOUVENIR(S) (vacation) (07/16/15)
A dandelion head, two blades of grass, a small flower picked from the garden next door, all these things simple and pure, all gathered from the hands of my little girl. How many times have I taken them smelled them then tossed them aside, not knowing that they were gifts from what was in her heart. A daughter’s gift to her father full of love and good will and yet a father’s gift to his daughter of unconcern and frustration. Be still oh my heart and know that soon the gifts will stop, soon the love will cease to be. The little girl that clings to your arm and cries, “Daddy,” will soon turn me away for pleasures of this world dark, vile and not meant to be.
How long will I glance over her gifts of true affection? How long will I see her presence in my lap as an nuisance. How long will I brush her aside because of things to do, tasks to accomplish and places to be? Teach me oh Lord to treasure her love because like the flowers she has given me, her affection will soon fade away. Teach me to love her so that even at the age of 30 she’ll still cry, “Daddy,” still want my attention and still give me souvenirs built from happy memories.
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This article has been read 651 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Terry R A Eissfeldt 
07/23/15
This is almost like free verse poetry. Very powerful thoughts that would be more powerful if they had their own space. Don't be afraid of getting creative with paragraph and spacing.
Cheers

Hannah Gaudette
07/23/15
This is a challenging story, but I don't think it fits the topic. It doesn't go into 'vacation', which is a point in the topic.

I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing this.

God Bless
Loni Bowden-Horn 
07/23/15
This poem was beautifully written. Such emotion and sentiment in this piece. I believe you could have expanded the story further so it would have been on the topic of vacation. I really liked your writing style.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/23/15
This is really sweet. I loved the picture you painted. It was beautiful, and something I could relate to a bit too much. I think you missed the topic a bit as the souvenir is supposed to be from a vacation. Each week on the message boards there is a thread that explains the topic and allows you to ask questions about it. The message in this touching piece is one all parents are familiar with and also need to be reminded. I remember once being annoyed that one of the kids was hanging on me. Practically the next day (or so it seemed) I missed his cuddling. This is a powerful piece indeed.
C D Swanson 
07/25/15
Beautiful and touching. This entry warmed my soul.

God bless~
Bonnie Bowden 
07/25/15
Powerful and poetic writing. I agree with the first critique that a different format would have suited your style better. Either that or you needed to develop your story ideas further.

Keep writing; I think you have a lot of potential.