Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ROAD TRIP (vacation) (07/02/15)
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TITLE: Lambs Unaware | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sherry Eastwood
07/08/15 -
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We would be flying into Washington D.C., taking the Metro to Anacostia Station, and then a taxi to Joint Base Anacostia-Boling, where we would be staying during our visit.
Upon arrival at the airport, we grabbed our carryon luggage and started walking through the terminal to the Metro station. We were accustomed to walking long distances; however, we walked what seemed several miles before arriving at the exit for the Metro.
We didn't have a clue as to how to gain entry without an electronic card that everyone else was using for Metro travel. We approached a lady in an official looking uniform and explained that we wanted to get to Anacostia Station. She gave us information on how to get tickets and the area we needed to be in order to board the correct train. She asked who would be picking us up at Anacostia. We explained that we would be taking a taxi from there to the Base. "OH, NO, DO NOT TAKE A TAXI. " She was adamant about travel by taxi, and was talking to us like an alarmed Mama bear to her cub in danger. She made sure we understood safe transportation was the bus. We were happy she had taken the time for steering two strangers in the right direction.
With tickets in hand ,although with some nervous trepidation, we were off to catch our train, AND THE BUS.
We were both uneasy about the environment we found ourselves. We were strangers in very unfamiliar territory with unsavory looking characters leering at us at every turn. Silent prayers were going up with each loud thump of my heart.
Upon arrival, we immediately popped up from our seats and hurriedly exited the station. However, we saw no buses, only taxis! We spotted two police officers, and asked about boarding a bus. They said there were no commercial buses, but they directed us to transportation that took the military to the base. They also made it very clear that we were to come right back to them if we were not allowed to travel on the transport. We were told not to talk to or take anything from anyone. We felt like two little lambs being guided out of harm's way by armed shepherds.
At first, the transport driver did not want to give us a ride, but the military members vouched for not leaving us there. It was a short ride to the enormous base, but a long ride with several detours for dropping off the others on board. We noticed after we entered the gate that there were no eateries or food shopping along the way. Brian is diabetic, so this was a concern. Surely, we would be able to get delivery service.
We finally arrived at the lodge, checked in and inquired where we could get a meal. Since the base was used for the President's support services, non-military were not allowed on the base. Not only were we left on our own to fend for a meal, but we did not have transportation to our 9:00 a.m. White House tour the next morning! We explained our predicament to the desk clerk. She remembered that there was one retired military man that had a limousine service that was allowed on the base and gave us his phone number. We would find a meal first and then give him a call.
After an already long day, we took a another long walk for a bite to eat. Finally, relaxing in safety and peace in our room, Brian called the limousine service. We were ecstatic to find out that not only would the drivers pick us up for our tour, he would be our personal guide in the city!
"Earl", our friendly and charming driver picked us up the next morning, and after our beautiful garden tour, gave us first class limousine service to all the points of interest.
From the lady who gave us directions to the Metro , to the officers who looked after our well being at the train station, to Earl, who was beyond gracious to us, God watched over his lambs unaware and gave us a trip to remember.
Non-fiction
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It was fascinating to read about adventures in Washington. Thanks for the read.
Bec
My main advice would be to do more showing and less telling. For example, your opening like is a passive one. You could easily fix it by switching it around. Example: Our congressman's office arranged a White House garden tour for my husband and me.
Another thought would be to use dialog and body language to paint a picture for the reader. Example: I looked around, and my heart thumped, and I could feel sweat bead up on my forehead as everyone brushed passed us. Spotting a Metro agent, I approached her and cleared my throat. "Excuse me, Ma'am, but could you please help us figure out how to get to the base?"
Her warm smile calmed my frazzled nerves. "Oh no, you should take the bus when you arrive. The taxi will be way too expensive."
I know I took some liberties with my examples, but I wanted to show you what I meant and explain why she would probably suggest the bus, not the taxi. It helps move the story along and paints a picture for the reader.
I think you did a great job of writing on topic. Your message is a valuable one too. We tend to forget at times how God is always with us, even when we are on vacation. I live in a rural area and have been to DC a few times. I totally understand the nerves of being in a bustling city, although I'm sure those who live there see it quite differently. Give me a small town in a county where cows outnumber the people any day! Keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.