Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ANGELS WATCHING OVER ME (don’t write about the song) (06/04/15)
-
TITLE: Divine or Human | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ufon Ahime
06/11/15 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
It was an afternoon like any other, the date, June 25 2014. The young lady was sitting with fellow friends selling banana and peanut (a delicacy in Nigeria) from a tray she had in front of her. It wasn’t long before a man came over and bought all that she had on her tray, what joy she felt, she could leave for home early, and that’s exactly what she did. Five minutes later, when she was just some distance away, the bomb went off, killing all her friends she had just left behind with the promise of seeing tomorrow! Who was that man, an angel, or was it just coincidence?
The service had ended and I rushed out of the chapel as it was my habit, but I was suddenly stopped by a middle aged man. He told me “you have grown cold in the things of God, get back on track.”I walked out on him feeling offended, who was he anyway to tell me what the state of my relationship with God was? As I turned to get a better picture of him, he was gone! Yes gone, I asked around but no one knew who he was...
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


I was a bit confused at first that the first and last stories were told in the first person but the middle in the third. You needed a transition from one to the next. You also could have put a line of stars between them to show they were different MCs. Also you may want to double-check some of the comma and semicolon rules. A semicolon is used to connect two independent clauses together;both parts would be complete sentences, able to stand alone. You need a comma with a taglines like he said.
Over all, I think you did a fine job. You definitely wrote on the topic. You made me stop and think about many so-called coincidences. It makes me sad for the people who can't see God in those cases.
It would help the reader if you put an extra lines between your paragraphs. (I made the same mistake when I first entered the Challenge.)
Keep writing. You're doing well.