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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ANGELS WATCHING OVER ME (don’t write about the song) (06/04/15)
I walked down the road from the bus stop on a cold winter morning, desperate for a ride but having to take the long walk under such bad weather. I stopped to ask for directions and the lady said “I know where you are headed, I’ll take you there’’, and she did! How grateful I was, she seemed to be heaven sent; perhaps an angel of some sort...
It was an afternoon like any other, the date, June 25 2014. The young lady was sitting with fellow friends selling banana and peanut (a delicacy in Nigeria) from a tray she had in front of her. It wasn’t long before a man came over and bought all that she had on her tray, what joy she felt, she could leave for home early, and that’s exactly what she did. Five minutes later, when she was just some distance away, the bomb went off, killing all her friends she had just left behind with the promise of seeing tomorrow! Who was that man, an angel, or was it just coincidence?
The service had ended and I rushed out of the chapel as it was my habit, but I was suddenly stopped by a middle aged man. He told me “you have grown cold in the things of God, get back on track.”I walked out on him feeling offended, who was he anyway to tell me what the state of my relationship with God was? As I turned to get a better picture of him, he was gone! Yes gone, I asked around but no one knew who he was...
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/16/15
I think you gave some great examples of possible angel interactions. I know God is amazing and works in ways we could never imagine.

I was a bit confused at first that the first and last stories were told in the first person but the middle in the third. You needed a transition from one to the next. You also could have put a line of stars between them to show they were different MCs. Also you may want to double-check some of the comma and semicolon rules. A semicolon is used to connect two independent clauses together;both parts would be complete sentences, able to stand alone. You need a comma with a taglines like he said.

Over all, I think you did a fine job. You definitely wrote on the topic. You made me stop and think about many so-called coincidences. It makes me sad for the people who can't see God in those cases.
Yvonne Blake 
06/16/15
Wow! What wonderful and mysterious experiences!
It would help the reader if you put an extra lines between your paragraphs. (I made the same mistake when I first entered the Challenge.)
Keep writing. You're doing well.