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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Pen and Paper (07/17/14)
Heidi’s pen drops from her fingers as she re reads the note to her beloved friend Dan. Dan is dashingly, handsome with the most exquisite green eyes and dark wavy hair this side of heaven. Heidi lets out a sigh of relief, and slowly sinks into her comfy oversized chair “now he’ll know exactly how I feel” she exclaims.
Heidi is spunky, strong-willed, and is usually not afraid to show her emotions, but this is risky for her. Her first thought was to email Dan, but something told her that this was too important. She thought about him holding her letter and all the emotions that were poured into writing it.
As she waits for Dan to arrive Heidi thinks about the first time they met in high school. Heidi was quite wild back then with an attitude. Dan had just transferred from Christian school into the worst public school outside of Boston. She hated him at first even trying to provoke him into a verbal war. Heidi seized every chance to torment Dan by making comments about how he dressed, walked or how smart he was or was not, she was relentless in harassing him for anything and everything. Dan was too positive for her, she was jealous, but did not want to admit it. There was something different about him and it made her mad.

Things started to change the day he saved her from total embarrassment. Heidi left her house abruptly that morning after an argument with her mom. She arrived at “Just Java”, ordered her drink and suddenly realized she left her wallet behind. Dan spoke up from behind her and told to the barista “I’ll get hers”.
Dan arrives at Heidi’s house and walks up to the door where she greets him with a big smile. “Mom, I’ll be home after youth group” Heidi shouts as she’s closing the door behind her.
They drove off in Dan’s’ beat up old Camry, the sunroof open, Switchfoot playing and Heidi’s long strawberry blonde hair dancing in the breeze. “Are you excited about tonight?” Heidi yells struggling to be heard over the music. Dan slyly smiles and says you could say that. The two have been leading the youth group for about a year now. Tonight is the last youth group before summer break and the much anticipated progressive dinner. They will transport several carloads of the youth group from house to house as they travel around for their meals. The first stop of course is appetizer’s, followed by dinner, and a campfire on the beach with warm gooey S’mores for dessert.
The evening begins to wind down as the worship team leads the gang in acoustic worship around the campfire. Heidi asks Dan if they could take a walk along the beach, as they make small talk Heidi pulls the envelope from her jacket and nervously hands it to Dan. He quizzically stares at it for a moment before opening it. He begins to read as the sun slowly fades into the horizon.
Dan,
“This letter is difficult for me to write, but I have to express my gratitude to you for being a model of Jesus’ love towards me. It has taken me six years to tell you that I am sorry for treating you so poorly when we first met. You were kind to me even when I was horrible to you. You patiently listened to me poor out my soul when I needed someone. Looking back now I realize you probably didn’t agree with a lot of things I said, but you didn’t judge me, you met me where I was at. I admire you for the man that you are and so grateful that you were obedient when I didn’t deserve it. You gave me the gift of friendship and I accepted it…just like the gift Jesus offers. I have never loved another as much as I love you and…….” Dan stops reading and pulls Heidi towards him, wraps his muscular arms around her petite waist as he kisses her and says “apology accepted”.


** This is a work of fiction
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 585 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
07/25/14
Loved it! Could be the makings of a "romantic novelette" -- Nicely done, and certainly on topic.

Great conclusion.

God Bless~
Larry Whittington
07/27/14
A cute little writing.

Well written and easily read.

I didn't go back and check any grammar or ???.

Enjoyable.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/30/14
This is a lovely piece. You do a nice job of creating the suspense in the first line. I was instantly eager to discover why she dropped her pen.

I noticed some minor errors with punctuation and words like rereads should be one word. On the message board there is a thread called Jan's Writing Basics that tackles all kinds of things to help all levels of writers improve.

I think you did a nice job of developing the characters and making them feel quite real.
I found myself slightly confused when you switched from the past to present tense and had to reread it. Something little like the following might make that transition smoother: The chiming of the doorbell jolted Heidi from her recollection.

One of the harder things to do in these challenges is come up with a satisfying ending, but you did a nice job of it, leaving me with a smile on my face. You also did a nice job of incorporating the topic into your story.

I'm terrible about reading titles and didn't notice yours until I finished reading. Make sure your title doesn't give the ending away.

Overall you did a fine job of balancing showing and telling. I'm eager to read more of your works and hope you'll keep writing.