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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Vote/Voted off the Island (05/29/14)
It might seem normal to get voted off
The young and the old aren't let off
In social life or at workplace
We live up to a fallen race


The boy wants to join his friends' team
But they prefer to choose the cream
His heart melts when he is left out
Why me? I can't figure it out


The little girl is keen to play
But she is told to stay away
For they dislike her colored face
She feels rejected but shows a bold face


A teenager hears this utterance
He is so lame; he lacks the coherence
They're maligning or snubbing me?
Why can't they accept me? That worries me


A very poised girl tries to impress
Witty stuffs she tries to express
Detesting her cool and calm look
They give her the deaf and dumb look


I know a man who's unemployed
"You are too old to be employed!"
In thirties and well-qualified
Experienced, yet disqualified


Pioneers or seniors are not spared
Dumped, neglected, abused and snared
Without warmth, love and sincere care
We wouldn't know how they might fare


Have we not seen such human flaws?
One retrospectively deplores
Is it 'natural selection'?
Or prejudice that we sanction?


A predator or a patsy?
Such memories are uneasy
Unpleasant to bring these things back
Try to hide them-- they do come back


Jesus came and lived among us
He's formed One family in us
Yellow or olive, black or white
We are all glorious in God's sight

A world whose bottom's fallen off
Cold and callous they vote us off
Stark picture of a broken world
He frees the oppressed-hungry world


Bread of Life performed this great act
The little boy was not a brat
He shared all his fish and bread
Five thousand people were well fed¹


Paul advised the young believer
A model of the believer
In love, in spirit and in truth
Let no one look down on your youth²


John's exiled to Patmos Island
Though old, he's not forsaken
He was taken up to heaven
To meet Christ-He's still sovereign³


Christ knows all our human frailties4
He came to deal with realities
He's been voted off the island
He still heals our insane island


The poor, the blind, the ostracized
These people are marginalized
To the banquet of the Wedding!
Come in! Come in! Christ's now calling5


God's given each of us a race
We are a winner in this race
We will be crowned with a garland
None are voted off the island







References

1 John6: 1-14
2 1Timothy 4:12
3 Revelation1:9
4 Hebrews 4:15
5 Luke14:13
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
06/05/14
Amen! This was a beautiful entry...well done!

God bless~
Graham Insley
06/12/14
There was a really good message to this poem and it followed a good path from beginning to end.

The rhythm and rhyme didn't really work for me. It wasn't really free verse, because rhythm and rhyme were attempted; but I couldn't find a set rhythm and repeating words (face to rhyme with face) just didn't sit right.

This is how you could rework the first verse to bring rhythm and rhyme in order:

It seems normal to get voted off
At young and old we so freely scoff
Both in social life and at our workplace
We live the life of a fallen race

9 syllables per line and no repeated word to make a rhyme; of course this is only an example to show what I am trying to say.

But the message of this poem is strong and some good ideas are voiced here.

Blessings.