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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Digital Detox (04/24/14)
He sat down at his computer. He had to answer his six emails that were waiting on him. He wanted to do anything but be on the computer. He thought about how far the world has come with technology, but how some of it is more of a bother than helpful.
He thought about the days when no one had cell phones or emails. He thought about the simple life of the Amish and how they live happily and productive with out any technology. He needed a vacation from all that plugged in. He realized he needed a digital detox.
The next day he was all packed and he was on his way to a remote cabin in the woods. He would be gone for two night. He wasn't bring going to rely on his GPS to get him there. He had an old fashion map. He wasn't bringing his cell phone or anything. He was going to bring a book not his kindle but a book to read while he relaxed in the quiet of the wilderness.
He was not going to rely on anything but his wits. People use to live this way. He brought a deck of cards so he could play solitaire. He didn't need to play his video games. It would be a vacation from technology. It was going to be great!
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This article has been read 337 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Milly Born
05/02/14
I like the theme, and I think we all have moments we can identify with your main character’s line of thought. However, the way you worked it out keeps us at a distance. We don’t get really into his head or heart. For example, you wrote your first paragraph entirely in the third person. I would suggest you add some thoughts in the first person. I would also like to know more details of what he’s feeling, seeing, smelling etc. during his “unplugged” time on his way to and in the cabin in the woods to emphasize the contrast with his normal, “plugged” life. Put yourself into his shoes and share his reluctance and liberation with your readers.
Linda Buskirk
05/03/14
This entry was right on target with the theme. It does lack the detail that would draw a reader into the room with the Main Character (MC). There are some unanswered questions that would add interest. For example, why does he think a cabin in the woods is necessary? What does he hope two days will change about his life?

I encourage you to keep writing, expanding on your ability to accurately describe a situation until it becomes so real that the reader can experience the story along with the characters.
Larry Whittington
05/05/14
To make this "click" for me, I needed to know just why he needed a vacation and why he didn't like to be in front of his computer.

With just a little more information at the first it would have fallen into place.