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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Endless (01/09/14)
Space
Where am I, as space
Envelopes me before my face?
I see, I drift, I fly
Many things there I spy.
It seems endless as I glance
Across the wide expanse.
Is this my eternity, my existence
My space, my end, makes sense?
Can I even comprehend
That an eternity won’t end?
How my life is lived on earth
That is what my eternity is worth.
Do I make the Bible life’s tool?
Are the words I use kind or cruel?
Do I treat my family well,
My friends, of Christ I tell?
As I fly and drift along
I spy a group with a song.
Singing, they are filled with mirth
For their life was good on earth.
Comes a group oh so sad
They chose a life all too bad.
Lurking in the fiery abyss
With the awful smell and ugly hiss.
To be like them, not me.
My end for good will be.
Sin and guilt I will not swallow
For Jesus I must follow.
From my dream I wake to tell the story
Of change from doom to life and glory.
Love and kindness as my existence
Having Jesus as my only guidance.
You too, may float in space
As eternity you will face.
Without Jesus, ‘twill be sad,
With Him ‘twill be glad.
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This article has been read 614 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Sheldon Bass 
01/16/14
I enjoy your simple and easily understood style and message.
I look forward to your next entry. Keep writing!
Toni Babcock 
01/16/14
It would be good to take your poem and try to pinpoint the key emotional truth you are trying to convey to the reader. Could you state that truth in a single sentence? If so, see if you can put your poem through a sifter so to speak, and sift out any unnecessary parts. Avoid pairing words or phrases that sound cliché. Like a good pot of sauce, you are "cooking down" the work until the taste of it is even more delicious. Once you succeed in honing the poem down, I believe the emotional truth you are trying to convey will really stand out as you give it a louder voice. With my own poetry I have found less is often more, and brevity often makes a greater impact on the reader.
Larry Whittington
01/17/14
I don't know if you had wanted to skip lines to build groups or stanzas but I was able to follow the thought.

Our choice is important and it is our choice. God uses the Bible and the Holy Spirit to guide us to his way which is the good choice.
Amelia Brown 
01/19/14
I love the ryhmes and the strong message this poem carries. Don't know if the lack of space between stanza was intentional...but space does provide a better reading experience and greater understanding. Keep writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
01/21/14
This is quite lovely. Though poetry isn't my favorite genre and I lack rhythm and am tone deaf, yet I can feel the song in this piece. It starts slowly then peaks at a crescendo (is that the right word?) Then it slowly climbs back down. This really touched my heart and I could hear the music in the words.
Dusty Fontaine
01/21/14
This is an interesting poem. I actually like the way the syllable counts in each line are different. It is like rhyming free verse.

I thought it flowed better the second time I read it. The message is powerful also. With, or without Jesus -- it is our choice.

Some of the rhymes seemed a little forced, but overall, this was good.
Michele Fleming 
01/22/14
I had to read this a couple of times to get a grasp of it, as poetry is just not my thing.

I did like the meaning behind the piece, but felt the topic was hidden a bit too much for me.

Good luck and God bless!