The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Oh I really enjoyed this. I think it was quite clever to have a door to door salesman. They are more a thing of the past ands didn't even occur to me as I was thinking of ideas for this topic.

I noticed you had some tiny errors like pronouns like he or him should not start with a capital letter (the exception would be if the He was Jesus or God, but even that is now being discouraged by the writing experts)also paints should have been pant's legs.

I love the message you showed in this insightful piece. What a wonderful idea. I wonder if we did that today to the telemarketers who call what kind of an impact we might have on the world. You also did a wonderful job of showing how nervous your MC was. I could feel it emanate from the page.
You did a good job with this topic, particularly being descriptive & showing the emotions of your MC.A number of your sentences were quite long/run-on and the use of commas not correct. It might be helpful to check into the Forums section and click on Ann's Grammar Basics. There are several lessons on commas as well as many other grammar rules.
We all have had to brush up on these things to improve and doing so will definitely advance you past beginners because you have some good abilities showing! Keep up the good work!

Great and unique take on the topic. Great story, I enjoyed this very much!
I loved this multi-layered story that showed and told of great emotions, and meaningful messages throughout. Nicely done. Clever indeed!

God bless~