Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Drip (04/25/13)
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TITLE: Spell Your Name | Previous Challenge Entry
By Retha Groenewald
04/30/13 -
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He could have said Desire, Religion, Integrity and Passion, but he wasn't in the mood for unnecessary questions; questions that required answers. He wished he was dangerous, reckless, with a touch of insanity for everything being pointless. But he wasn't. He had a desire in his heart that was eating at him day and night. He knew it wouldn't stop until he satisfied it.
Names are important and his parents had put a lot of thought into calling him Drip. He had heard the story so many times…
“The day you were born the water shortage ended. I will never forget,” his mother said, shifting in the chair to be more comfortable, she continued, “The water tap was releasing one drop of water at a time…drip…drip…drip. The nurse put you into my arms. You cried and at the same time we heard drip, then dripdrip,…dripdripdrip, and then the water was running for the first time in three years.”
“What does that have to do with my name,” he had asked.
“Everything! Our desire for God was greater than for thirst. We believed that God would not let us perish from thirst. Our belief in God was, and is, not a religion but a way of life. Through a life of integrity the love and passion for Jesus Christ would never cease. He loved us first and His love will flow continuously in the same way the Holy Spirit bubbles like a fountain inside of us.”
Somewhere along the path of life, he had lost the passion, and then the integrity. He never cared much for religion. It was only the desire to have a relationship with God that he tried to get rid of for years. During his depression days, he had thought he had succeeded, but to no avail. His desire for His Creator would never cease. His yearning for the truth was something he couldn't let go, and that was not for a lack of trying. He tried to change his name, but he couldn't. He settled for D; D for Desire. Every time somebody called him, they were confirming his desire.
The shock on the woman’s face brought him back to reality. He felt ashamed; so he left without filling in the rest of the form. Back in his room, he dropped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He must have fallen asleep, because he woke up hearing somebody call his name. It was the most beautiful voice he had ever heard. He couldn't help himself; he stood up and answered, “Yes Lord.”
“Drip, I love you.”
“Yes Lord,” was all he could say, overwhelmed with love. A knowing was born in him at that moment, “God loves me.”
The next morning he went back. When the clerk looked up and asked him to spell his name, he looked joyfully into her eyes and said: “D for Desire, R for Repenting my sins, I for Intimacy, and P for Prayerfully thanking God for His love that saved me from my sins.
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One thing I might suggest is to do some more showing instead of telling. One way to do that is instead of using taglines like she said, instead replace that with narrative lines. For example: "Why would you name me Drip?" He threw his hands in the air and stomped his foot.
Hopefully that shows who is speaking as well as giving a peek into his personality.
I think you did a nice job of bringing the story full circle. It was a delight to read from the very beginning to the end.You did a great job of presenting the topic while still delivering a good message. Good job!