The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Click (04/18/13)
Humbling Sarah

The rhythmic clickety-clack, clickety-clack of the train melted away the miles soothing both her mind and spirit. With each passing mile bringing her closer to her destination Sarah could not help but reflect on what brought her to this point in time.

She was to start a new job as a live-in nanny in just two days’ time and was really excited to meet her new charges and the family. Two days after an inspiring sermon on Matthew 11:25 “At that time Jesus said, ‘I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children’” (NIV), while holding her new niece Hannah, she impulsively decided to change her life’s course because she knew it was meant to be. Something just clicked in her spirit the moment she looked into those bright and innocent eyes. Sarah wanted to be a positive influence on the next generation and she knew they would probably humble her at the same time.

As the train pulled into Grand Central Station she said a prayer for her new life and the people she was about to meet that they would all be mutually blessed and humbled.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 747 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Glynis Becker
04/26/13
Short and sweet. This is very nicely done, but I'd love to see you flesh out the main character more. It would be a wonderful start to a longer piece.
Patsy Hallum 
04/30/13
I agree with Glynis, I want more of Sarah. Nicely written. Keep Writing!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/02/13
This is really interesting. The fact that I want to know more about Sarah shows that you did a nice job of bringing me into that character. it's not always easy to find more words when you get to the heart of the message (Though I have the opposite problem and often have to cut words--lots of words!)

One way to add more words is to do more showing and less telling. A good way to do that is to have dialog. Perhaps there could have been a nice little old lady (maybe a bit nosey) asking Sarah where she was headed and why. Another way would be to avoid passive verbs like was and replace them with what Jan calls salsa verbs. (from the message boards' Jan's Writing Basics: http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67)

You did do a great job of writing on topic and I really enjoyed reading this. I think you did a nice job of showing Sarah's heart. Your message is a good one too. it's not always easy to follow God's calling but boy is it so worth it when we do. Keep writing what God puts on your heart. :)