The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Work on beat and flow and watch jumping to 2nd person - changes the mood.
Good premiss, but rhymes forced. Consider asking someone to proof your piece before submitting.
Hugging your heart - you have beautifully expressed yourself . . .

Throw a Brick for CLICK
You really say a lot with this meaningful piece. I think it will mean different things to different people at different times and that takes talent. Poetry isn't my favorite genre but you did touch my heart with this piece. Keep writing, it's hard to come up with an idea, tweak it, polish it and submit it only one week. I plan on going back and changing the ending of my story this week. I wish I had thought of it earlier, but then the cool thing about writing and this challenge is I learn things from the comments and can always fix what I agree with and either submit it to another source or even to the general submission section here at FW. Good job and don't stop writing! :)