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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Click (04/18/13)
Click


Climbing up the successful ladder
Listening, learning perhaps no matter
Instead a dream though unfulfilled
Clinging to the heart but through the mind milled
Kept inside for many years…seems just a bit scattered!


Cleaning out closets is quite the need
Looking rather to sow some seed
Investing your time in other things
Challenged by those things with wings
Kites more fun this rather feed!


Coins slip through the fingers like water
Looking for a way to avoid fodder
Interest in saving, not yet… but soon
Came to realize after noon
Kindness needed for that one cotter!



Claiming the cause unknown to man
Likening success to slight of hand
Inopportunity, what’s that you say
Causing an unknown road as your way
Keeping up with the Jones… with no other plan!

Christ in us the hope of Glory
Look beyond an earthly story
Instead allow the Spirit to reign
Can’t is changed to can… now gain
Keenness of mind… now in God’s territory!

Aha, click, click, click, click, Click!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
dub W
04/29/13
Work on beat and flow and watch jumping to 2nd person - changes the mood.
Patsy Hallum 
04/30/13
Good premiss, but rhymes forced. Consider asking someone to proof your piece before submitting.
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
05/01/13
Hugging your heart - you have beautifully expressed yourself . . .

Throw a Brick for CLICK

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36947
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/02/13
You really say a lot with this meaningful piece. I think it will mean different things to different people at different times and that takes talent. Poetry isn't my favorite genre but you did touch my heart with this piece. Keep writing, it's hard to come up with an idea, tweak it, polish it and submit it only one week. I plan on going back and changing the ending of my story this week. I wish I had thought of it earlier, but then the cool thing about writing and this challenge is I learn things from the comments and can always fix what I agree with and either submit it to another source or even to the general submission section here at FW. Good job and don't stop writing! :)