Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Key (02/14/13)
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TITLE: The Unheard Conversation | Previous Challenge Entry
By Patrick Champion
02/21/13 -
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God bless~
I would suggest that you use quotation marks and possibly add some action to show who is speaking. Ex: Jesus wiped a tear from his eye. "It hurts my heart when they disobey." Also make sure you start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks, even if it's just one word. If you double space between the paragraph it will give the reader more white space.
Your story is definitely a fresh and unique take on the topic. I think you did a nice job of drawing the reader in and keeping my attention right to the very end.