Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Risk (05/17/12)
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TITLE: Eventuality | Previous Challenge Entry
By Mobayode Akinsolu
05/22/12 -
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A little chance or an ample opportunity; an earned feeling or a failing desire; who knows and who can tell for sure, the prognosis of every made choice and the outcome of every decision; the overstated perception of reality cannot be utterly erased and the seeming sights of good success cannot be overlooked in the fear of not knowing what tomorrow holds. Succinctly, the keys to Utopia will never rest in the hands of the undecided and the doors to blessedness will forever be locked to the indecisive. So what do we do and to whom do we turn, when all that we see and perceive are blurred visions of ambivalence and insecurity.
Solace creeps in every good night and pending the time it lasts, rest locates every soul whose eyes are shut to sleep in godliness. But what happens when the day dawns and there is busyness culminating into business; moments when decisions are to be made and conclusions need to be drawn; periods when inferences lie in wait to be analyzed and results lurk around every nook and cranny after thorough examinations; epochal minutes when the only thing necessary to be done is to take an inevitable risk…
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You do have some huge run-on sentences. Your opening one is over 4 lines long. Especially with short stories, it's important to have shorter sentences. Because the first part of the sentence is so long, by the time I got to the predicate, I forgot what the subject was. You also need to put ? after the last line of first paragraph. I think to help you connect with your reader better you need to give some examples of the risks you face upon awaking and how God provided you with comfort.
This has a poetic feel about it and is full of elegant thoughts. I liked the part about solace creeping in and rest fining godly souls. It is a profound statement. You seem to have an air of comfort with words and do a nice job of saying what you think in an elegant manner. I am nervous it may be a bit over many people's head and that would be a shame because I feel the Holy Spirit is using your gifts to reach others and it would be dreadful if someone missed this because it was overwhelming.
Wing His Words!