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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fragrance (10/24/05)
I will always remember Sara. The way she appears in my mind when I think of her, is more beautiful than what I thought of her years ago. She has eyes that are soft, and they lure you to jump into them. Her eyes are like getting dropped into the middle of the Pacific Ocean, it’s virtually impossible to swim your way out. I don’t recall her laughter being audible, but it was as wealthy a laugh as it could have been. Sara’s demeanor was sweet all of the time. Although she is very nice, she is strong willed and has convictions that weren’t altered.

One winter day we were walking together, like we did everyday in those times. There was plenty of snow on the ground. The temperature was winter warm, which made the snow ideal for packing. We threw snowballs at each other and wrestled until dusk. I believe we did a lot of kissing that day. If that wasn’t a day of a lot of kissing, it just wasn’t that day, because we definitely had days when we did. Mostly we talked and talked. I’m honored by some of the things she revealed to me about her life. We had a very intimate relationship. It never developed into anything sexual, and I’m glad it didn’t. I will always remember Sara, as a matter of fact, I’ll always remember her fragrance.
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This article has been read 771 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Nina Phillips
11/01/05
Lovely remembrence. One thing I noticed in these two sentences is the past tense, and then in the next present tense.
Quote:
Sara’s demeanor was sweet all of the time. Although she is very nice, she is strong willed and has convictions that weren’t altered.
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Other than that--nice work! God bless ya, littlelight
dub W
11/01/05
Yeah watch for tense shifts, also the first paragraph filled with 2nd. person. Otherwise, this is a nice tight story. Keep writing.
terri tiffany
11/01/05
Nice story! I noticed a few sentences that could be read easier but breaking them into two. thanks!
Jan Ackerson
11/03/05
The references to "you" in the first paragraph might be edited out. I was very intrigued by this entry, and would like to know more about the relationship between the narrator and Sarah. Sounds like the makings of a great short story.