The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
02/23/12
This is a fun, delightful piece, packed with suspense. I loved how you portrayed the twin boys, their characters came shining through.
02/24/12
Hahahahahahahahaha...I am still laughing at the last line! This was a sheer delight to read. Nicely done, and nicely told.

God bless~
02/25/12
Very well done. I love the dialogue and action. I was interested from beginning to end. Good job!
This is a fun read. I enjoyed the banter between the brothers.

I noticed at times, you used incomplete sentences between quotes. For example, continuing to beg, instead use that spot to describe his actions like: He clasped his hands together. This is another one: snatching up the report, turning around and
Turn that into showing by saying it like this: He snatched the report, turned around, and...
They are little things but will help the story to flow better.

I enjoyed your characters so much. I could feel the tension and the excitement as I read the story. I liked how you handled the topic. The ending is great.
This was so fun. It really drew me in and kept me reading. Great ending.