I Only Wanted to Read My Mail | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: I Only Wanted to Read My Mail | Previous Challenge Entry
By Llewelyn Stevenson
11/17/11
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*(!)**SPAM!!!*(!)**

I flew over the back of the tumbling chair and slammed into the wall opposite my desk. Holding the back of my aching head in my hands, I groaned and grimaced, feeling like superman had just felled me for some foul deed. The bold bright orange letters flashed over my computer, threatening to hit me again if I refused to pay them attention. My eyes glazed and my chest hurt. Flopping to my side I lay there groaning, rocking back and forth in misery. I just wanted to read my mail for goodness sake.

**********************

You can’t eat it like the stuff in the supermarket, though that’s not particularly edible either, yet it keeps gnawing at you like a ravishing appetite. There’s so much of it and it’s so bad it makes you want to puke [I’m convinced it’s the same stuff]. It matters not which I’m served, I place both in the trash. [You sure it’s not the meat?]

Anyway that ear piercing, clanging noise that thundered through my computer’s surround sound system and knocked me clear across the room is the most irritating form of communication one could receive, and there’s no end of it in sight.

SPAM- unsolicited and most often unwanted mail planted into your computer’s inbox, preying on the naïve and unwary user ready to pounce at the click of the mouse, the push of a button: a ravenous wolf, a roaring lion, a raging tornado.

That’s the trouble with spam. It has endeavoured to steal my money, my identity, my peace and joy. Yet each failure has taught me more about its evil nature. However even knowing the evils of spam can have negative consequences.

Hannes – a long, almost had forgotten friend got my email through a mutual acquaintance and tried to contact me. Browsing my inbox for infections of spam, I failed to recognise his request and sent it to the spam folder, encouraging my firewall to deal with it appropriately in future. Finally a request came from our mutual acquaintance to get in touch with him.

What of the quote I was so eagerly awaiting? Each time the company sent it, my loving wife would helpfully place it in the spam folder. Finally the company rang me and asked me not to send their mail to my spam folder as it was ruining their reputation and how service providers were handling their mail.

What can I say? Spam is a menace – a pest, and I’m still waiting for Baygon to make an appropriate spray to rid me of it. I hope it happens some time soon.

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