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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Blog (10/20/11)
Brring, students scurried to their lockers after first period. Maddy hurried to catch up with her friend, Hanna on the first day of school, at her locker. The halls echoed with excitement on the first day of school.

"Hey Hanna, it‘s good to see you again. I‘ve missed you. Did you do anything fun this summer?"

Hanna put a folder in her locker, "I just worked, How about you?"
Grinning, Maddy got out her American history textbook from the top shelf of her locker.

"Well, I just got back from Mexico."

Hanna reached for a pen, “Wow! Did you have fun at the beach?"

"I didn't go the beach; I was on a mission trip. We helped build a church, also re-did a roof on a home, and taught VBS."

Hanna smirked, “Oh, you're one of those Jesus freaks."

Maddys rolled her eyes, "You think it's wrong to help people?"

"No, but I wouldn't go to Mexico to do construction work. I don't like to get dirty."

"Hanna, check out my blog, Maddy'splace.com, and check out the pictures and the journal I kept."

Hanna sighed, "Okay, I'll do it." Hanna scribbled on her notebook Maddy's place dot com."

The next day, Hanna pulled Maddy aside. "I looked at your blog last night. I guess you did help people. Although, I still don't get into this Jesus thing and I'd would never want to do construction work."

"Well Hanna, I've gone to church all of my life. I love Jesus; this trip changed me forever. I feel good inside; I was able to help people and spread the love of Jesus. Did you see me and the picture of the couple?"

"Y…eah, what's your point?"

Maddy's face glowed, "That was the house we re-shingled, their roof was leaking. Did you notice the smiles on their faces?"

Hanna's eyes rolled, "Of course."

"They were so grateful. They didn't think anyone would help them. We did and they asked Jesus to be their Savior."

Hanna's face turned red, “Don’t push this Jesus thing on me!"

Maddy clenched her jaw, "I’m not pushing this Jesus thing on you. I wanted to show you what I did this summer!"

Hanna took a deep breath, "It felt like you were trying to shove Jesus down my throat. I'm not a little kid anymore, I can think for myself."

Maddy smiled, "No I’m not. It made me feel good about myself because I helped a needy family. I want to tell people about Jesus. Hanna he loves you that is why he died on the cross. If you ever change your mind, I'll be there for you."

"See you later, Maddy," Hanna slammed her locker and stomped off.
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This article has been read 799 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/04/11
I think this is a good story. I really liked your story and thought you did a nice job showing the girls' characters.

My only suggestion might be to go into more details about your characters.

The ending was good. I liked how you didn't tie it up into a neat bow. Life doesn't always have happy endings.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/04/11
Oh another thing, I didn't see your title the first time. Be careful not to give your ending away with your title. I struggle myself with coming up with clever titles so I understand how difficult it can be.
Randy Foncree
11/04/11
Not everyone will accept the gospel message...this kept me interested...good writing...God bless you and keep shining for Jesus...
Kristine Baker
11/06/11
I was drawn into this story and you gave great imagery; I felt like I was at the next locker over-hearing thirds conversation.

One suggestion, check on the placement of commas. In The first paragraph, I had to read it a couple times to understand it.
Kristine Baker
11/06/11
I was drawn into this story and you gave great imagery; I felt like I was at the next locker over-hearing thirds conversation.

One suggestion, check on the placement of commas. In The first paragraph, I had to read it a couple times to understand it.
C D Swanson 
11/08/11
Nice job- I really was pulled into this interesting story. Fantastic message-She planted the seeds-that is all we can do sometimes as Christians.

Keep up the good work.
God Bless~
Hiram Claudio
11/10/11
You write very well. The story felt very real and I could picture standing there watching the various scenes unfold. Nice work!
Verna Mull
11/11/11
The story was great, but I agree that it would have been just a little better if we didn't know the outcome until the end. Great way to handle the subject.
Nancy Bucca
11/13/11
I enjoyed the dialogue and the way you worked the topic into this story. For some reason the ending seemed a bit abrupt; I was hoping to see that perhaps the pictures on the blog had made an impact on Hanna. Nevertheless, the ending did reflect her overall attitude as well as the fact that no matter how you try to reach some people, they can be quite stubborn.