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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Search Engine (10/06/11)
Mr. Evers was droning on about the use of semi-colons, colons and Leslie couldn’t remember what else. “God, if you loved me you’d make him stop talking. Why do I need to know about colons and semi-colons?” she breathed the unspoken prayer. “Besides I can always google it if I need to know.”

She drew doodles in her spiral notebook and then hearts in the middle. She stopped and stared at the notebook. She saw the doodles transform into a necklace, bracelet and earrings.

With careful sketches, she designed the set in earnest. The chain was an intertwining design looping into a heart in the middle of each open space. The spaces were random widths apart. Adding a bracelet was easy, just an adaptation of the necklace design. The earrings were trickier but she finally decided on a dangling earring with three varying lengths using smaller version of the necklace chain with a heart in each length. Now what should she use for material?

“Miss Stampson,” she barely heard the voice. “Miss Stampson.” She jerked her head upright and straight into the squinted eyes and furrowed brows.

“Yes, Mr. Evers?”

“We’re all waiting.”

Silence.

“And the answer is,” Mr. Evers said still not smiling.

“I have no idea.”

“Pay attention next time.”

Jon Batttles rattled the answer off easily as Leslie wrote what he said. Now, if she just knew the question.

The bell rang. Leslie scooted out the door. She didn’t want to waste a minute of time in the jewelry lab.

“Good morning, Leslie,” Julie Abindernauer called out as she entered.

“Hey, Miss A! Can I show you something?”

“Sure, let me see what you got.”

For the next few minutes they went over her design. Miss A wanted her to do a more detailed sketch especially of the heart and how it looped into the chain and attached to the clasps and earrings.

For Leslie the hour seemed to fly by in minutes. Still hard at work when the bell rang, Miss A stopped at Leslie’s station.

“Do you have a class this hour?"

Leslie looked up to see that the room had cleared. “Not really, I mean I have lunch and then study hall. Could I stay? I know you have a class. I won’t interrupt. I promise.”

Miss A chuckled. “Let me write you a pass for study hall. Maybe you could go grab a sandwich and bring it back here while you work.”

“You’d let me do that?”

“Sure, my advanced jewelry students this hour usually spend lunch and their class time here. They’re all working on their own designs.”

“That would be so awesome. I love jewelry class. It’s my fav.”

“What class do you have before this?”

“English,” she said in a barely audible voice.

“How are you doing in there?”

“Mr. Evers is so boring. I just can’t concentrate.”

“How about I make you a deal?”

“OK,” Leslie said her eyes focused on Miss A’s soft blue ones.

“You pay attention in English and I’ll let you come in for advanced jewelry.”

Leslie grabbed the younger teacher around the neck. “Oh Miss A, that’s awesome.”

Humming softly to herself, Leslie grabbed her backpack and ran to the lunchroom. Along the way she thought about using the internet to find answers for things like using semi-colons and colons but creativity came from a different place.

“It’s so easy to come up with ideas,” she thought to herself. “I see the designs transform into jewelry in my mind. I must be really good at this. I mean Miss A is letting me come to the advanced class.“

Then as quickly as those thoughts entered, another came softly, “Leslie, I am the Creator. No idea on earth has formed without Me. I created you. Stay plugged in to Me and you will never lack for ideas.”

Leslie breathed a silent prayer of repentance. “Jesus, I’m sorry. You are the ultimate search engine. Whatever I need to know you will lead me and guide me. I heart you.”

She sucked in a deep breath as she saw the design in her mind. “It’s a crown of thorns with his heart in the middle.”

The tears came then on earth and in heaven.
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This article has been read 648 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jody Day 
10/20/11
Very good dialogue that moves the story along.

You use many passive verbs (was, were), which makes the piece weak in places.

Good job of portraying your main character's thoughts and feelings:)
C D Swanson 
10/22/11
Good job. I love the message, that Jesus is our everything - no need for a search engine. God is our everything, and that is the message that I clearly get.

God Bless~
Ruth Neilson
10/22/11
For your thoughts and prayers next try consider using italics so that you can cut down on the quotes. Other than that, I can see this story happening in real life, dialogue both internal and external is very realistic. Great job and keep writing
Patricia Protzman
10/22/11
This piece is well-written. Unfortunately, the topic "search engine" is not the central focus of thee entry. It is creative, starts well, and flows smoothly. The ending was unpredictable. Great job.
Jan Ackerson
10/23/11
Your strength was #2 (unique, fresh, memorable). Your apporach to this story is unique--something that I really appreciate.

Work on #1 (on topic). The topic was addressed quite early in the story, but wasn't really essential to the story that you wanted to tell, so it felt like an afterthought.

#6 (communication, clarity) was another strong point of this creative entry.
Linda Goergen
10/24/11
This was an interesting read and seemed very realistic. It seems hard to convince many young people today of the need to learn and memorize grammar and math, etc., when in daily life they don’t see the need, they can just pull out a calculator or computer and get their answers. The teacher teaching jewelry was very wise in her approach! And the ending message in this was great, anything we are, any talent we possess comes from God! This may be considered a bit weak on topic, but the idea of using a search engine instead of our brains was clearly there and stood out well I think! Good job.
djvenzke Venzke
10/25/11
You did a good job of showing that we all have areas that come easier for us and areas that frustrate us. The wisdom of your character shows up in her ability to see where to to get help for things outside her interest and to see the source for the area where she is gifted. And yes, the knowledge of our Savior's interest in our lives should move us as it did her.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/26/11
This is a charming story. I liked the dialog and thought you did a great job on building the characters. The topic was a little weak. You mentioned a search engine but it wasn't the main theme of the story. You were quite creative and this was an interesting read. Some of the sentences needed to flow a but more. Have someone read it aloud and if they stumble you may want to restructure the sentence. This is a perfect story for 10-14 year olds, It's a great message and is important to learn how to compromise.
LAKISHA CARTER 
10/27/11
I thought the message was wonderful. The acknowledgement that all of our creativity and talent stems from God is so important for us to remember. Nice dialogue as well.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/06/11
Congratulations for ranking 11th in level one!
Colin Swann
11/06/11
Congratulations on coming 11th! Well done!