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Topic: Much Ado about Nothing (not about the play) (07/28/11)
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TITLE: The Diagnosis | Previous Challenge Entry
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08/04/11 -
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It started with disbelief, and accelerated to full blown panic. There was no going back on that one. I had to face it, and right now, but how? That was the question.
I didn’t handle it so well initially. I held it together until all the appointments were done for that day. I was alone and had to start making phone calls. Talking to my son kicked it in. Faith. I simply declared to my son that I was going to beat this and be just fine. I heard those words coming out of my mouth and actually completely believed what I said, just as I said it. So I said it again, and again. That was the affirmation.
The next day I was on the phone with my best friend. That’s when I lost it. I spewed out the anger and fear. I cried, I yelled, she listened and didn’t dare try to stop me. I needed to get that out. After calming down I realized just how much energy I had burned, I was completely exhausted. That was the hysteria.
It soon occurred to me that I needed energy to fight, but not like that. I needed God’s energy to replace mine. I needed Him to be in control. I needed to be calm. I needed to pray. I needed God. That was the prayer.
I asked God to give me faith, hope, courage and more faith. It was only when I was completely calm that it came pouring down. I asked God to go first and show me the way. I pictured him going into the appointments just ahead of me through that door. He was with me for every single part of the storm. I completely gave the good Lord my body. That was the trust.
Today I am two and a half years from that diagnosis. I have learned that we need to be calm in the storm, and put all our energy into prayer. We waist so much time, so much energy, so much of ourselves… when all we have to do is pray. Invite God into your storms. Only then will you remain in the eye, as the mayhem completely surrounds you. This is the truth.
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