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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Much Ado about Nothing (not about the play) (07/28/11)
The what if’s of life happened on one Saturday, when I attempted to get an oil change. The mechanic noticed my oil was clean and advised me to wait. I agreed it was better to wait until a future time. The only problem is they had started to drain my oil. The mechanic put the drain plug back in and added a few quarts of oil and I was on my way.

On Tuesday when I was at work by chance I noticed that oil was dripping from my car.

I called the shop where I had the oil change done, "Express Lube," said the voice on the other line.

"The other day when you almost did an oil change on my car you didn't tighten my drain plug. My car is dripping oil."

"I'm sorry about that, although you'll need to get you car in here right away."

"I can't, I’m at work and I use public transportation my car will not be on that side of town until Friday."

"Okay sir, but you’ll need to watch your oil level if you don’t you engine could blow up."

"I will I'll see you on Friday," and then hung up.

I have a job that is mindless. My mind started to wonder and think about the problem. I couldn't see the drain plug when I bent down and looked under my car. What if, it’s not the bolt? What if it’s a major leak? What if my engine blows up? What if the repair bill costs a lot of money? It's the middle of the day; I can't leave work and go get my car looked at.

There were a lot of what if's that day. Later that day I took my car to a shop that is close to my work. It took only thirty seconds for them to tighten the bolt up. After that there was not more leak. I did pray but I didn’t trust God. This problem was not as big a I thought
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This article has been read 849 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Kathleen Langridge
08/04/11
For the most part you did a good job using dialogue to tell the story. It might have been possible to actually start the story with less back round information and more dialogue. Good points about 'what ifs?'
CrisC Ramirez
08/04/11
I agree with the post above. The dialogue was good, however, the beginning and ending could have tied your main idea and purpose somehow. You can be as creative as you like. Good job.
Von Pickett
08/04/11
Good detail. Interesting situation that could happen to anyone of us. Grammar needs improving for easier flow of sentences. I use my grammar check in Word (it's handy and I need it!)
Rachel Stone
08/05/11
You made a great point, in a clear and simple way that anyone can get the message. I appreciated your true-to-life story.
Lillian Rhoades 
08/09/11
Oil Change problems are but one "What if" I've experience over the years.

I wasn't sure about the first paragraph and its meaning. I think you meant to show that the mechanic started to drain the oil, before it was decided you didn't need it. That part was a bit fuzzy.

Your title needs "An" before Oil

Keep writing and reading other stories to learn how to improve your show rather than tell skills.

Thanks for writing a story about real life.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/10/11
This is a good message. I could relate to the What ifs. You had a few typos (you instead of your) but overall did a nice job with this. Keep writing and work on proofreading Nice job.