Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Outlandish (05/19/11)
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TITLE: Bev's Delivery | Previous Challenge Entry
By Linda Potosky
05/26/11 -
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“Hello...yes, this is Beverly Oliver,” she replied. “Yes, I can be there by 3 o’clock. You're welcome…God Bless you too.” While hanging up the phone, Bev’s teenage son, Samuel, walked into the house. “You loaded the tract boxes into the trunk of my car?” she questioned him as she approached the front door.
“Yes mom.” Samuel sighed moving towards his mother.
“Thank you.” She replied and gave her son a hug. “I appreciate your help. Tell your Dad I will be back by dinner time.”
“I will.” Samuel answered, opening the door for his mother.
Bev left her house and climbed into her car. Driving towards the destination, she felt herself slip into thoughts about the Gospel tracts and how they may help reach people. Suddenly, a police siren blared behind her and she was abruptly pulled out of her musings. Seeing the flashing lights in her rear view mirror, she immediately checked her speedometer and made certain she was within the speed limit. She then pulled over to the side of the road and stopped her vehicle. Bev’s heart beat rapidly as she waited for the officer to approach.
“License and registration please…” The officer requested formally.
Bev handed him the documents. “May I ask what this is about?” she anxiously questioned.
“Please remain in your vehicle until I return,” the officer answered, ignoring Bev's inquiry.
She watched him in her side mirror as he walked back to his patrol car. Growing more uncomfortable by the moment, Bev sat fidgeting with her wedding ring. Foreboding thoughts began to fill her head. "The boxes…I hope he doesn’t detect the boxes." Feeling acutely uneasy, she looked into the mirror to make sure she didn’t look suspicious in any way. Her hazel eyes looked anxiously back at her. As she began to nervously fuss with her dark, shoulder length hair, the officer returned.
Handing back her cards, he proceeded to open her car door. “I am going to have to ask you to step out of your car, Mrs. Oliver.”
“What’s this all about?” Bev voiced once again while her slim body remained seated.
“Please do as your told Ma'am.” The young officer rigidly repeated.
“I need to know why you want me to get out of my vehicle.” She sternly replied.
Seeing her resistance, the police officer grabbed his Motorola radio off his belt and made a call. “I have a 10-66, Officer requesting backup.”
“WHAT?” Bev nearly shouted. She drew in a deep, sharp breath out of shock. “You’re calling for backup? This is outlandish!” She declared.
Not convinced by Bev's display of surprise, the office frowned slightly at her. “I will ask you once again Mrs. Oliver, please step out of your vehicle.”
“I will NOT,” she answered defiantly. “Not until you tell me what this is all about!”
The police officer craned his neck to take a look into her back seat. “You are displaying an illegal relic on your vehicle, Mrs. Oliver.”
Bev felt an overwhelming sense of alarm flow through her. “Excuse me?”
“The Christian fish symbol on your bumper,” he retorted as his dark eyes glared into hers.
Her heart dropped. "How could I be so careless! I forgot to take the magnetic Christian fish symbol off my car! Oh Lord, please help me."
Just then, another officer arrived on the scene. The two officers talked privately and an agreement was made that the second officer would handle the situation. Walking towards Bev’s car, the officer grabbed the magnetic symbol off her bumper and handed it to her. Introducing himself as Sergeant O’Riley, he then asked if she was aware of the new ordinance that was passed four months ago by the New World Order of global governance.
“Yes” Bev meekly answered as she watched the first police officer drive away.
"Then you know that since July 4th, 2024 it has become illegal to practice, distribute or display any Christian materials in public. “
Trembling inside, she nodded yes.
“It was foolhardy of you not to remove that magnet… that could have landed you in jail.” Shutting her car door he looked at her with compassion. “I am a Christian too.” He proclaimed. “You’re free to go.” He added as he turned to walk back to his vehicle.
With a sigh of relief, Bev thanked the Lord for His protection and cautiously drove off to make her tract delivery.
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Thank you for the wake up call.
My only suggestion might be in a story this short you may want to introduce the conflict earlier. I like how you kept me holding my breath until the end but it would have been outstanding to have held it from the first paragraph.
You did a great job with the characters and dialog. You are also mastering what even the Masters struggle with and that's showing vs telling. I could easily see it unfolding.