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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Communication Breakdown (12/16/10)
Try to Understand Me


Hey Hagen, how about going to a conference with me next month in New Orleans? You could just chill out around the hotel while I am at the conference or you could go to the conference with me if you like.
Hagen, “What is the conference about”?
It is about learning how to witness to people in a loving and caring manner. It is also motivational and up-lifting, things of which I am trying very hard to accomplish in my walk, talk and attitude with the Lord and with people.
Hagen, “You need to learn all that. You are always pointing fingers.”
What do you mean? I only asked if you wanted to take a trip to New Orleans. I did not say you needed it, I said that I need to attend it. You never take anything that I say the way it is intended. I think you feel I am being judgmental because you feel conviction when I am around. I don’t have to point a finger, as you say I do, or say a word, you just feel guilty because you know I am living right and you are not. I have never been that direct with you and if that is pointing a finger then I am sorry you take it that way. You do not understand what I am trying to communicate to you. I have just always tried to set the right example and show you the way to the Cross. I am sorry you have a hard time understanding that I love you and want to see you in heaven one day.
Yes, I was hoping for the opportunity to help you understand what God says, not I, about the things you are involved in your life. New Orleans would be the perfect location for us both to clear up this lifelong animosity you seem to have towards me. I have only wanted what is best for your life and that is what God wants for you also. You do not need fortune tellers to tell you how to live. That is what God’s word is for if you would only read it and listen to Him. I do not have the power to make you feel conviction. If you feel that way when I am around you it is the power of God’s Holy Spirit. He alone has that power.
Please try to understand me better.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Sarah Heywood
12/24/10
You have some good dialogue going on here and I can clearly see how you were demonstrating the Challenge topic.

A couple of things, as you seek to hone the craft of writing: The only time you want to have a character and then lines is if you're writing a play (ex: Sally: "How are you today?"). But if you're telling a story, then you want to have it read like this: Sally said, "How are you today?"

Also, remember to include white space between thoughts and dialogue - it just makes it easier for your reader to follow your thoughts.

When you have long dialogue,with one character speaking, you want to break it up, perhaps describing the listener's reaction, or having the speaker pause - things like that. It will make your conversations more realistic.

Can you tell I'm a homeschooling mother? Critiquing comes easy to me! Honestly, you have a lot of potential. Keep working at your writing and you'll find yourself soaring through the ranks before you know it!
Brenda Rice
12/26/10
Thanks for sharing this article. As someone has suggested use spacing between paragraphs makes for easier reading. Keep writing.
Merry Christmas
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/26/10
You have a great start here. You just need to work on developing your characters more. Try telling us about their movements, facial expressions and body language. Keep writing and don't give up. God definitely wants you to tell your story. You show a lot of passion in your words.
diana kay
12/26/10
i would have loved to know what the relationship between the two characters was... at first I thought it father and some but as it went on i was not so sure... lifelong animosity..... brothers perhaps?? some more development of the characters would help the reader engage with the story... you got the tension between the two well :-)