The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/26/10
I like how you have contrasted technology with the personal touch which we can enjoy in God's family. You have packed a lot of information in here, which would be enhanced with a few synonyms and with shorter paragraphs. Overall very good work.
11/26/10
I liked your mentioning the person touch of real communication. I am glad that my living doesn't depend on a telephone. They seem so demanding, and so impersonal.
This is a nice essay about the advancement of the telephone. It certainly has changed over the years. You're right though there's nothing like a face to face conversation.
12/01/10
Lots of solid information and food for thought in your entry. I would suggest you try to combine your sentences where possible so that it doesn't make for a less choppy, staccato, awkward read. Here's an example:
You wrote:

"In my job it is vital to have a cell phone for communication. I work with a walkie-talkie and a cell phone."

You might consider this:

Since my job requires a cell phone for communication, I work with a walkie-talkie and a cell phone.

12/01/10
Oops! Should read..."So that it makes for a less choppy.....