Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Anger (01/24/05)
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TITLE: Of Love, Fear and Anger | Previous Challenge Entry
By April Groves
01/31/05 -
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I am not by nature an angry person. I have my moments, like anyone else, but it is not my normal disposition. There has been a time in my life, however, when I was very angry. My daughter is my heart and, as her biological father, he should have cared about her. She should have been as important to him as she was to me. He owed her that. She deserved at least that. But days turned into weeks turned into months turned into years. She and I moved on with our lives and continued to be a family. We later met the man that would complete that family and added a baby sister. Now we all share the same last name. Life is good and it is happy. Nevertheless, I was still angry. That kind of constant anger has no place in my beautiful life. It was time to apply the theory and root it out.
What I found was that the theory once again rang true. However, this time it was in a unique way. This anger found its root in love and fear. I love my daughter in a way only a mother can understand. She and I have shared a body and now we share our lives and forever we will share a bond. I love her and I want all that is wonderful for her. I fear that this circumstance will hurt her one day. It chills me to the bone to imagine the hurt in her eyes when she contemplates the idea that there is a person out there who should love her and does not. I try to push the thought aside, but the possibility is real and the probabilities painful. This love confronted with this fear creates in me anger the like I have never known. However, I cannot change these circumstances. It is a reality that is out of my control. But the anger, I can control that. Certainly God can equip me to deal with this. How?
Forgiveness. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you (Eph 4:31-32 KJVR).” A tough pill to swallow. A hard word to hear. Forgiveness. Here in this moment, at this time, at this altar, I must lay down my love for my daughter for He loves her more than I do and He had a plan for her in the beginning of time. I must lay down my fear for He is sovereign over all things and my trust is firmly in Him. And I must lay down my anger fully at His feet and forgive – forgive just as I have been forgiven. Do I feel this man is worthy of my forgiveness? Of this act of grace? No. But neither am I and the Father continually lavishes it over me. Everyday of my life I fall short of the woman He desires me to be. In the face of all blessings He gives, I still wander. He should be furious with me. He should be angry. His Son died for me. That deserves my steadfast obedience. Nevertheless, He loves me in my humanness and continues to teach me and guide me down His path. He forgives me. As I must forgive. That roots out the anger. That settles the heart and reflects the love of Christ. The theory works again. The feeling of forgiveness - yet another emotion founded by love.
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Yeshua BlessA
And the anguish we feel when one who should love fails us...
Good job. God bless,