Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Feel (emotions) (08/26/10)
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TITLE: God's Handiwork | Previous Challenge Entry
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09/02/10 -
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Today, I drove to the Gazebo on our property. It was nice as the breeze blew so calmly passed me. Once inside the porch area I opened my notebook to write down what I saw. Life was good on that day. I saw many wonderful creatures and things that inspired me to write. See, my father runs a church campground where I live. So, there are plenty of things to watch and do.
Nevertheless, I watched as the squirrels as they ran up and down the trees around me. God’s creation has taken my breath away. I’m amazed by how calm I can be while I’m here. I can see how God’s mighty hands have made this all possible. The breeze passes by again and catches the trees as their branches are caused to wave from side to side. The fans above me, squeaks with every turn it takes. The environment is inviting and relaxing.
My mind takes me too many places with my notebook in hand. The things I write are inspiring from the sites I see. I am happy to see how everything is “fearfully and wonderfully made through God’s own hands.” I’m delighted to watch and see His creations in front of me. This place takes me back to Genesis and how he created the earth and made everything in His likeness.
The sounds are amazing to free my turmoil. I’m touched by His mighty work. I hear the birds whistling while soaring in the woods. The trees are standing tall and strong. My dog is with me. She’s enjoying the view and time that we are spending together as well. Her face showed excitement and happiness. She laid beside me resting.
I’m sadden when my time is done and I must return back home. Nevertheless, I’m relaxed and my spirit is calm and my mind can concentrate on the things I need to write.
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Peace
Here: My mind takes me too many places (the word should be to; too means also)
The only other typo is sites should be sights.
But the important thing is that these are all little mistakes that we all make at one time or another. Your work is improving each week.
You took me to the woods behind my house. It's one of my favorite places to go, but this year, I've been sad that I have been too sick to walk out there. But your story gave me many of the pleasures I experience when I do walk out among the trees and watch the animals. That is a great gift you have given me.
You did ask for comments. I am at beginner level, too, but this is what I noticed...
The tenses were being switched back and forth.
I am not sure I understand how this applies to the topic of feelings, as it touches on many senses.
You are blessed to have this site in you life. Keep on writing and utilizing your environment!
You asked for honest comments... here is one that I found: The sounds are amazing to free my turmoil. Consider rewording. One suggestion would be to read your work out loud to see how it flows.
Keep writing!