The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
09/13/05
"I love old people"??! You must be a pretty young writer. Nice work, though very childlike. If that's what you were going for then, kudos! God bless.
09/13/05
This shows your great tenderness toward your grandmother. If you hit "enter" twice at the end of each paragraph, your essay will be easier on your readers' eyes.
09/14/05
Great detail to your story. You did a good job of painting a picture. Paragraphs are needed, however. Work on separating your ideas and work on transition sentences to lead the reader along.
09/21/05
Tamatha, I thought this was a lovely story about your great Grandmother. I kept thinking how incredibly blessed you were to have her with you for so long.

From a judge's point of view, the definition Grandmame gave you for "bon voyage" wasn't all that accurate. Bon voyage literally means "good journey," so the angle you came from did let the entry down a little in the ratings (one of the areas we rate is how well an entry fit the topic.) But I have to say I really am looking forward to reading more from you in the future. I like your gentle style. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)