The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/04/10
I like the name of this! It was a real cute story.
03/05/10
I like the attitude of your protagonist--he's feisty!
03/07/10
I thought Harvey was Stella's husband and this line seemed to solidify that Harvey was human:
Finally Harvey noticed that his fingers were closed
'Fingers' are human. When I re-read it and realized Harvey was a mouse, the story was even better than when I thought he was her husband. Perhaps you could change fingers to claws or whatever mice have? Great story.
You made an excellent point and threw in some humor for an added attraction.