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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Phew! (02/11/10)
My oldest brother, Ones, and his wife, Mary, hitchhiked to our home at Marble Rock, Iowa. We hadn’t seen them for a very long time. They lived in far away Fragaria, Washington.

They were pretty much strangers to me. We hadn’t seen them for about 5 years, or that was my memory, at least. I felt that Mary was “out to get me!” She was horrified at my tom-boyish ways, my thick, dirty calluses on my elbows and knees, and it seemed like almost anything that I did.

She didn’t like the way I handled my silverware when I ate, the way my hair got so tangled in a day’s time, and many other things, like climbing trees, hanging from the rafters in the barn, walking in the barn barefooted, etc..

Well, she decided to clean me up, and got some of Mamas lie soap, an old, rough, washcloth, and she began to scrub my elbows and my knees! She washed so hard that I was sure that I was going to bleed, and I was crying, and she would shake me, and tell me to sit still!

Well, when I was finally released, I packed a few things in an old brown paper grocery sack, and decided to run away from home. Onas saw me going across the field, and came after me, calling for me to stop! I did stop, and waited for him. He picked me up, and hugged me, and told me he was sorry that Mary had been so rough with me. He explained, “Mary wasn’t raised to do work on a farm, and didn’t understand” he begged me to come back home! “Phew!” I didn’t really know where I would go anyway, and he made me feel much better! She never did try to “clean me up” again during that visit!

I’ll have to admit, that incident left me with a bad attitude for many years; but as I grew older, I could see that she was the perfect wife for my brother. He never had a lot of confidence in himself, and she always pushed him to do well. I’m sure that he would never have gotten his Doctorate in Psychology, had it not been for her!

Nonetheless, I really never felt badly, or as worried as my parents were, when they started to hitchhike back to Washington!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
AnneRene' Capp
02/19/10
You did a good job of making me feel Mary's oppressiveness in taking control over you and inflicting physical and emotional pain upon you.

Would have liked to have known more details about the events leading up to that moment and everyone's interactions when your brother brought you back home.

I would have omitted your last sentence about them hitch-hiking home as it felt out of context with your particular circumstances of dealing with Mary :)

Marie Fink
02/19/10
Mary seems like a complicated character. She could have been more sympathetic to a tomboy since she wasn't afraid to hitchhike across the country and probably get a little dirty herself. Your conclusion was a great observation, but it seemed to take a different turn than your story.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
02/22/10
Your POV was quite accurate. I felt like I was on a farm many years ago. The only critique I have to offer is a very little one- lye instead of lie in reference to the type of soap.
A nice down home story.
Jackie Wilson
02/23/10
I liked your story. The voice of the main character had a very genuine feel, down to earth.