Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: It's a Colorful World (12/03/09)
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TITLE: Flood of Colors | Previous Challenge Entry
By Xingyu Chen
12/07/09 -
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Noah was at home playing the computer. It was the holidays and there was nothing he could play with such a weather looming over his head. Even if it had been good weather, it is dubious he would come out.
Dangerous rumbling and flashes of lightning could be seen through the edge of his eyes. However the computer captured his attention with churning torrents of pixel colors. That might be why he sits there to let his brain turn gooey and his body to glob. The heavens above rumble quietly, warning of approaching rain.
The harsh glare of the computer screen; it seems to be melting his eyes down with intense explosion of colors. His Level 55 Soldier was using a complex set of moves that made the screen explode in colors. The appealing colors as well as the grudging respect from online gamers made him very happy indeed too. Scattered around his soldier were cartoon corpses. Only a lumbering giant boss was left. All was bright and sunny in this virtual world unlike what was happening outside his home
There was a roar of thunder. The boss character he was close to beating drowned into blackness. Not just the computer, the whole house lost all light that moment. Blackout.
"Arrgh" Noah groaned with mounting anger. he rapped the keyboard in anger. He was so close at beating the boss, until the crummy blackout occurred.
Noah was so frustrated. The feeling was like a flood of black smoke was pressing into him. He was choking. He needed to get out.
Outside the house, the thick curtain of rain keeps on falling. Tall buildings in the far corner seemed to be wrapped in mist. It obscures vision. The world is dulling into the droning buzz of rain. It was a natural TV screen, which has the irritating buzz and that nothing was being shown. Noah grunted in resentment. There was nothing to do. His mind was veering crazily. Like a massive ark with neither a rudder nor a compass nor a captain to guide it.
It was getting dark and cold in the house, Noah searched around for a candle. There was the scratching of a brown matchstick. The matchstick erupted into a vividly yellow flame. Noah's eyes observed his hands slowly pass the tiny burning matchstick to the tip of the white candle. The flame from the matchstick seems to be peeled off from the candle before turning into smoke. The candle was steadily radiating a little heat with a calming scent. His sad face lit up like the white candle he held in his hand. In his mind's eye, Noah thought he had a pure white dove in perched on his fingers bearing a branch of burning hope...
The rain had stopped and soft liquid light began to trickle in.
Noah stepped outside his house for the welcome change in scenery. How would I describe the sights he saw? Rich colors dripping down everywhere. These fresh colors were mixed in the Painter's huge pallet and carefully painted into a masterpiece. Noah was no connoisseur but even he could realize that he was looking a wonderful scenery.
On two sides of the road, the brick red buildings seem to bow their heads with deference to such beauty. Pools of water were reflecting the cloudy sky. The grass by the road was lush and vibrantly green. The soil was a deep shade of brown. The asphalt road was a deep hue of black contrasted against yellow lines that seem freshly painted. Colorful umbrellas opened up, like floating boats. The buzz and life on the streets were returning like a sleeper stirring awake. The churning darkness of his feelings was washed away.
Noah saw flocks of black birds take wing. The beat of their wings reverberates as they thrust through the air. The computer game was long forgotten. Was it so long ago he was so resentful of trivial stuff that happened to him? He looked on in wonder at thick streaming shafts of golden light piercing through the thinning clouds. The air, it smelt so fresh. There are many things he should value other than computer games, his heart counseled him.
Noah gazed up at the sky. He could see a rainbow arched above him. Red on yellow and on blue where the lines between them are blurred. It was beautiful.
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There were several places where you switched tense: from past to present and back again. It's best to be consistent.
The last half of this was really good.