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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Black (10/15/09)
My brother, John, and I got locked in the granary when we were younger. My cousin, Kevin, had gotten locked in there a few days earlier and we were curious about how this happened. We figured it out alright.

There was a small piece of wood with a nail through it at the edge of the door to keep the door closed. Kevin had gone into the granary, the door had closed behind him, and the wood had slipped over the door and locked Kevin in.

John and I were young, foolish and curious, so we went into the granary and let the door close behind us. The piece of wood blocked the door from closing completely. I figured it out as I pushed on the wood. I said, “Oh I get it. This wood slid over like this and the door closed and the wood slid back into place locking the door.” It happened just as I was saying it.

The realization of being looked in the granary in the black darkness was very scary, but when we turned around and saw all the eyes blinking at us, we were terrified. We knew the eyes must belong to mice or rats, but we didn’t know what they were going to do to us. There were also grasshoppers and spiders in the dark, but we couldn’t see them. We just knew they were there from being in the granary in the daytime.

John started crying and I started banging on the door and yelling for my cousin, Kim, who was supposed to be babysitting us. Kim was in the house and she heard us, but she ignored us. She thought we just wanted to show her a frog or something.

Then a neighbour, Gary, drove in on a tractor. Even with the loud motor of the tractor, Gary heard us yelling. He came and opened the door for us and let us out, although he did question if we had been put in there for punishment, but he laughed when he asked.

I never did like confining spaces after that, especially in the dark.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Yvonne Blake 
10/26/09
Shiver, shiver! SCARY! I don't think I'd like dark closed places after that either.
Jan Ackerson
10/27/09
This was truly scary!

Write it longer, with dialogue between the trapped kids...it's definitely got the potential to be a really good short story.