Anew | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Anew | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jill Fisher
08/25/09
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Even with arms wrapped in a protective embrace around my belly, I had never felt more cold or alone. Murmured whispers came in muffled snippets rushing through the roaring in my ears. God called him home. I felt like I was submerged in an icy stream; frozen, immobile and pounded by the oncoming rocks invisible in the churning black water of my grief. You have to be strong now.

A fresh wave of pain blindsided me and I sank slowly to my knees. I am drowning in this, I thought, smothering in a cold pressing weight of shock and uncertainty that numbs and rains down from clouds of bitter rage. Your faith will get you through this.

I stared with dry, burning eyes at the hole before me. Red roses, smooth brown walnut and my life as I knew it lay before me. He lives on in your memories. A sob exploded from me as my heart broke anew. The worst is almost over.

My hands rose to block the sight of that hole from my eyes. Weighed down by countless burdens, my chin sank to rest against my chest as I struggled to draw another breath. How could my heart beat on without his? Be brave.

“Mama?” The little voice, stretched tight and brittle penetrated the miasma of darkness swirling around me.

“Mama?” She repeated again, this time with an edge of panic that cut through to my core and brought me back from the black tunnel with a jarring thump.

I turned to look into her eyes. His eyes stared back at me--warm, brown, melting chocolate eyes that dissolved the wall of ice around my heart. Be still and know that I am.

I took the hand of that little girl, our little girl, and rose from my knees. The warmth from the late afternoon sun coupled with the tiny fingers that clutched mine in a ferocious grip seeped into my soul. For the first time in days, I took a breath that didn’t hurt.

With the setting sun at my back, I walked with our daughter into a new day.

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