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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Bitter and Sweet (05/28/09)
Cassandra grabbed the door handle. “Mo …,” she started to yell. No response. She rummaged through her purse and found the keys. She let herself in. She leaned against the door and stared into space. She raised her hand to her mouth and started to cry. Pulling a tissue from her pocket, she dabbed her eyes …

I don’t know where to go with this story. Ever been there? The bitter is that Cassandra recently lost her mother. What could be sweet about that? Hey, wait a minute; I thought my passion was writing for children. This isn’t a children’s story. But this beginning has remained with me for days. What will grasp you the reader? What will keep you intrigued to the end? News flash - the dreaded deadline! What if the words don’t come? Will it get finished? Lord, help!

Be creative. Hook them right away. Make sure you use dialogue. Show; don’t tell. The deadline is quickly approaching. Two ideas and I don’t know which one to select. Talk about double-minded.

It was a cold night. Cupping his hands, he rubbed them while sitting on the park bench. He never saw this day coming. He had been in foster care since a young child. He was shuffled from home to home. He had aged out of the system. Now what was he to do? He attempted to find work, but without a birth certificate he was unsuccessful. He needed proof that he was who he claimed to be. Who could he turn too?

This is redundant, but have you ever been there? You’re stuck. The words don’t flow. You have an idea, but the pieces don’t come together.You’re smiling, aren’t you? You can SO relate. You’ve been there. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Now if I’d just quit revising, revising, revising and send it!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jeanne E Webster
06/08/09
Yep, we've been there! No reminder needed! :)

In both starts, you use too many pronouns. She...she...she...he...he...

Cinch up some sentences and get to writing... :)
Sara Harricharan
06/08/09
LOL! Who can't relate to this! I certainly know how it goes, try to read it backwards next time. If that doesn't jumpstart a stuck point-I don't know what does. Nice way to tackle the topic!