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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Light and Dark (05/21/09)
In the bright sunlight a darkness crept, to the men and women walking by he seemed like an average man.Fortyish, graying brown hair with a bald spot,a little thick around the midddle.The kind of man nobody would look twice at, but he watched everyone a sinister gleam in his eyes as he scoured the crowd for his next victim.Maybe it'd be the young blonde pushing the stroller or the executive screaming into his cell phone.He was looking forward to his next one, he was so anxious his body almost vibrated with anticipation.
Up above him as unseen as the darkness a light shined across the buildings there sat a being shining so brightly the light radiated from his fingers and toes.As the evil below him plotted he watched ready to send out the messengers to the four corners of the earth.The fight would star soon and the prayers of the believers would be needed to insure victory, because the man below him was soon to become one of millions,millions that would fight to destroy humanity just as he would fight to save it.
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This article has been read 769 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Sara Harricharan
05/28/09
OOoh. Good set up here, but why did you stop? There's so much more you're hinting at in these few paragraphs, I felt cheated not getting to enjoy the whole story.

Good job though, a short and sweet read. ^_^
Jan Ackerson
05/29/09
This could definitely be expanded--you just hint at the suspense and the action possible here!

A not about punctuation--it's easier to read if you use a space after each period or comma.

Hope to read more of this at some point!
Brenda Rice
05/31/09
A very compelling little story. I see a great creativity in your writing.
Thanks for this submission.
Delores McCarter
06/02/09
Oh the drama is this piece was at its peak and the story just stopped.

Don't forget to spell check and use proper spacing.

Thanks for the short short story. Keep writing!
diana kay
06/03/09
A good start and I liked the description of the man but then I rather lost the plot!