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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Before and After (05/14/09)
I shouldn't have cried, he thought, Papa was very brave when those men with masks and guns burst through the door. Even when they shoved him hard against the cabinet, he didn't cry. Why did we have to leave, anyway? And why couldn't Papa come with us? Why wouldn't they even let us finish our breakfast? Sabjaibim had had a thousand questions to ask, but there had been no time.

"You have to get out," one gunman had shouted to his grandmother. "Don't take anything or we will kill the man."

The other gunman pushed his father out the door.

"No," Sabjaibim cried, "Papa!" He tried to run to his father, but his grandmother held him tight.


"Sabjaibim, be brave!" his father called sternly back.

The scene kept replaying in Sabjaibim's mind as he walked in the eerie silence of the crowd toward the Afghanastan border. I shouldn't have cried, he thought again. I should have been brave like Papa. I was just so scared. A tear trickled down his cheek as shame flooded his body. Stop thinking about it, he told himself.

He glanced at his grandmother walking next to him. She was so stooped forward that, even though he was ten, they were almost the same height.

Taking hold of his grandmother's arm, he tried to focus on the sound of her walking stick as it tapped against the road. He couldn't remember when Grandmother didn't need her stick. Once, when he was little, he asked her why she didn't stand up straight. "So, I can be close to you, child," she answered with a wink and a smile. He knew even though her back hurt sometimes, she liked to take care of him and Papa. She's very brave, he thought.

Sabjaibim winced as he stepped on a stone in the road. He was so tired of walking. He knew his grandmother was, too, because she was taking slower and slower steps. Suddenly, she collapsed, pulling him to the ground with her. He quickly scrambled to his feet as the crowd parted around them.

"Grandmother!" he cried, "Are you all right?" Fear raced through him. He looked into the weary face of his grandmother.

"I need to rest," she said sadly.

"Don't worry, Grandmother," he said, squatting next to her, "I'll take care of you."

Looking through new tears, he saw a large rock at the side of the road. A man stepped from the crowd and took hold of his grandmother's arm. Sabjaibim grasped her othe arm, and they pulled her up and guided her to the rock.

As she spoke to the stranger, Sabjaibim wiped his face on his sleeve. Stop being a baby, he told himself. His father's words echoed through his head: "Sabjaibim, be brave!"

Gritting his teeth, he turned and stared at the people's faces as they passed by. Some of them looked as though they had been crying too. Everyone's sad, he thought. Just like us. They've all been thrown out of their homes. Gradually, he realized crying had nothing to do with being brave.

When the stanger left, Sabjaibim sat down next to this grandmother, sliding his arm through hers. Letting out a sigh, he slouched forward.

"Everyone is so sad," he whispered.

"It is a very sad day, Sabjaibim," she said. "We are all crying. If not on the outside, on the inside. It is good to wash the sadness with tears. You are being very brave."

"I love you, Grandmother," he says, laying his head on her shoulder. He closes his eyes as she gently pats his hand.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Sara Harricharan
05/21/09
This reads as part of a larger work. I am curious as to where this whole story is going, because it certainly doesn't seem to have ended here. good title-it ties in well with the story and fits. I did wish that you'd put the MC's thoughts in italics, so it'd be easier to follow. Otherwise, good job. The descriptions are excellent. ^_^
Avigail David
05/22/09
Thank you for the story. I believe there is more to write about the emotional and spiritual intensity surrounding Sabjaibim and of what he was going through.

Keep up with the gift of writing GOD gives you, by His help. We write to proclaim Jesus' glory, honour and mercies to all!

God bless you.
ms
Janice Fitzpatrick
05/23/09
I like your descriptions and your characters are believable in their settings. How sad a piece but very realistic and timely. God bless your writing!:))