The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Lots of suspense, and I felt hot just reading this.

I believe you had some words left over--I'd have liked a bit more of this story. And if you would, an extra space between paragraphs.

You did a good job of establishing the overheated atmosphere.
Interesting and creative!

I wondered if it was a dream or something...because the thoughts seemed random, as would be.

Well done.