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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Anger (01/24/05)
Anger is such a polite word that it doesn't begin to convey the depth of feeling which could generate a difference in anyone's life, so I shall use the word "mad".

I am mad. Perhaps being mad will effect a change. I am mad at myself first of all, because I have not tapped into any talents or "gifts" which may lie dormant within. This means that I walk around on the surface of life, from time to time enjoying the expressions of other's gifts but feeling lonely, isolated from myself. I do not understand where other people get the power to tap into their own wells.

I am mad that I am the kind of person who gets depressed. I like myself quite well, and am mad about popular conceptions that people who are depressed are in some way less spiritual, as well as less emotionally stable. I just don't believe this is true. Many depressed people are the most sensitive and in tune with their surroundings. Subtleties and nuances of life don't escape them and they easily pick up on any disturbance of balance. They are allowed to experience the contrast between depression and non-depression, thus are able to experience the joys of life with a different appreciation than those who have never experienced worse than the blues, or situationally-induced depression. An example of the latter would be depression with grief when someone has died. Or worse, when they feel controlled by someone who has not died.

Perhaps it is the depression which disallows the tapping into your well. I am mad that the day dwindles away while I sit and ponder my paralysis. I have an urge to "do" but not the energy or drive. Where do people get the energy and drive? I am mad that I can't figure these things out. Not that they should be figured upon; perhaps they are best left alone as we go merrily our carefree ways. Would that I was a carefree person. Would that I "could" not care. My heart breaks in caring and I wish to be free from thinking.

I am also mad that while I have been exposed to Christianity my entire life, I have yet to be presented with a Christ who cares as deeply as I do. How can it be that I care more than He does? It cannot be possible but I am mad that when I go to church, I hear that God so loved the world but I don't get to see how He loves anyone. I do not understand the purpose of hearing about love and not experiencing it. Words have no meaning outside the breath of life and someone needs to take it upon themselves to be like God to the people. And yes, I am mad at myself that I do not bring life to the people around me.

Some may be wondering if I am a Believer; I am, but someone before me has said "I believe, help thou mine unbelief". I am at once a believer and a seeker.

It has been said that anger turned inward becomes depression. I have now expressed my anger and therefore expect to be free from depression. I think there is a faulty premise there, but if I find myself free from depression I shall be happy to let everyone know.
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This article has been read 629 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Norma OGrady
02/02/05
Helen Keller had many reasons for anger and depression..Here are a few quotes from this remarkable human being..
Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
Thank you for sharing
Yeshua bless
Deborah Anderson
02/05/05
The following phrase really got to me when I read your article: "I have yet to be presented with a Christ who cares as deeply as I do. How can it be that I care more than He does?" Oh my friend, He does care. He laid down His life for you. If you would have been the only person on the planet, he would have still hung on the cross and died for YOU! That's how important you are to God. Who do you think places the love you speak of in your heart for others? God does...because He is love....and He loves you. God bless you.
Debbie OConnor
02/06/05
I am staggered. I love what the people who have already commented here have said. Particularly Elizabeth's comment that you are only looking at the bread and not eating it. Just writing this article was you tapping into your well of gifts and abilities and sharing them. You are talented. You write clearly and powerfully. Perhaps this is fiction and if it is it is VERY believable. If this is non-fiction it is very sad. Either way I'd like to see some hope or purpose in the conclusion. God bless you.