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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Asia (02/26/09)
“Wouldn’t it be exciting to stay in one of those seaside resorts in Pangkor where the cabins stand on stilts?”

Joni sighed dreamily as she surveyed the glossy travel brochure, her eyes traveling wistfully over the alluring photographs of honeymoon couples walking hand in hand over white icing sugar beaches.

“Honey come over here…………..This is just terrible!”

The fearful note in her fiancé Peter’s voice snapped Joni from her blissful reverie and she immediately joined him in front of the television set to witness the breaking news. A tsunami of horrific proportions had swept across the west coast of Asia leaving a wake of disaster and human tragedy behind it. Property and entire holiday resorts up to 10 kilometers inland had been demolished by the enormous wave. Already the death toll was standing at 10 000……

The couple sat in stunned silence as they saw visuals of mangled remains of what had previously been luxury hotels churned together with cars, homes and vegetation. Stricken tourists were clinging desperately onto flotsam and all of the victims wore the same dazed look of horror and despair on their faces. What had been ideal holiday destinations had been reduced to a gruesome disaster scene within minutes of the freak wave.

Joni recalled suddenly how she had recently read one of the Psalms where it was written that God sets the boundary for the seas. What had happened here? Was this His divine intervention or a warning to repent? All her previous thoughts of their honeymoon were shattered.

“Honey just as well we are not there……..you were just….”

Peter’s eyes traveled over to the dining room table where Joni had been sitting only moments before poring over travel brochures on Asia.

“Oh look what God has spared us……… those poor people……….it could have been us!”

Joni gasped, her eyes full of tears.

The young couple held hands while they contemplated the horrific scenes unfolding before their eyes. This was a big wake up call for them. They were painfully aware that they should have committed their plans to the Lord before being carried away by their own desires.

“You know Pete; we could use our money to help rebuild the devastated villages. God can still bring good out of our plans!”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Mary McLeary
03/07/09
Good job. I liked how you ended your story with hope.
Karlene Jacobsen 
03/08/09
What a bittersweet story. Such sadness and tragedy mixed with hope at the end. Good job.
Sara Harricharan
03/11/09
The ending was just right for this piece, I'm glad they decided to share their money to help rebuild the village/towns and I like the message you wove through this piece. Nicely done.
Eliza Evans 
03/11/09
Love the ending .. Very good job.

You have a lot of run on sentences. In fact almost all your sentences are too long, in my opinion.

If you tighten them up -- your writing will be much stronger.

Try reading aloud. If you can't get through a sentence without losing your breath... that is likely how your readers are going to feel. :)

Keep writing! :)