The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/09/08
Interesting story, and my favorite character is actually the girl's feisty dad!

It seemed to fizzle a bit at the end, and to slip into "telling, not showing" mode.

This isn't an approach that I've read yet--very creative.
10/13/08
I love this chance meeting and later the opportunity to help what could have been a lost soul. I didn't mind the lack of dialogue.
Interesting story. I liked all your characters, especially the dad. reminded me a bit of my dad.
Well done. Norms